I find it rather interesting how women get married with the belief that they are able to change their husbands. The general notion is that once she is his wife, she will have more ‘control’ over what he does or doesn’t do. It doesn’t take too long before she figures out that this thought pattern is flawed. Granted, she may convince him to drop a habit or two here and there, however, the change may not stand the test of time.
Proverbs 29:18a (NIV)
Where there is no revelation, people cast off restraint.
The truth is, if your spouse does not understand and internalize why he should not do a certain thing, he is not able to restrain from doing it. The revelation is key. Interestingly, there are some things that only God can reveal to us. A revelation from God brings lasting change.
Wives can be very convincing without speaking.
1st Peter 3:1-2 (NIV)
Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
Having an impact in your husband’s life is not so much what you say but what you do.
Proverbs 21:9 (NIV)
Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
Proverbs 27:15 (NLT)
A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day.
The desire to change your husband may drive him further and further away. Before you know it, you lose the friend you had in him and all he is to you is a ‘less-than-perfect-project’. In light of the bigger pictiure, some things are really not that important, spend your energy wisely.
Prayer changes things. Instead of repeating yourself and quarreling, pray. God is in the business of giving revelations. Before you know it, your spouse will transform, all for the Lord’s glory.
A quote from a wise man put this into perspective for me.
‘Couples start enjoying marriage when they stop trying to change each other.’ ~Dr. Okaalet