Baby Making Blues

I had a conversation with a friend a few days ago about procreation and she said that she doesn’t want to have children. It was interesting because, she had reasons and even asked me why I want to have lil ones. Over the last couple of years, I have met a couple of people who do not want to have children and those who desire to have children but are having difficulty conceiving.

At some weddings, there is usually an aunt or uncle on standby to encourage the couple to have children. Soon after the wedding, the theme of all questions that you are asked is ‘when are the babies coming?’. You meet a random person on the street and the first question they ask is, ‘did the firstborn come?’ or ‘so have you named your parents yet?’ or ‘when is my son/daughter getting a playmate?’ The strangest one is when a woman (most times elderly) starts pointing at her stomach while smiling at you and you have to figure out that her question has nothing to do with hunger but everything to do with the assumption that the weight you have added is because you are pregnant. Sadly this gesture is followed by  a ‘congratulations’. o_O whatever happened to just restricting small talk to the weather, better still, to greetings.

After a few years pass, the questions intensify. People keep asking when the little ones are coming and after a while you are not so sure if ‘soon’ is an appropriate answer. Yes, sperm meets with the egg and they fuse to form an embryo, but sometimes it is not that simple. For one reason or another, they fail to fuse let alone meet.

I first heard about Endometriosis six months before I was diagnosed from a lady who was having difficulty conceiving. After numerous hospital visits, the doctor told her that the cause of the infertility was Endometriosis. It was a condition she had never heard about but one that she needed to quickly acquaint herself with.

She had gotten married into a culture that placed a lot of value on having your own children. The fact that she could not conceive had brought so much friction into her home with talks of her husband finding a second wife becoming  more frequent. It is not that her in-laws did not love her, it is just that they would have loved grandchildren more. The sex advice increased by the day, as her mother in law, a traditional woman and mother of 5, thought that the infertility had something do with technique (or lack thereof).

courtesy of

courtesy of

The journey of infertility is a painful one that has more downs than ups. It takes a lot to smile and to trust and hope even when everything seems bleak.  If this is your story, I pray that the Lord may encourage you and strengthen you. May He draw you close to Himself and wipe your tears. May He answer your questions, give you the desires of your heart according to His will, give you peace and love on you. In Jesus name I pray and believe, Amen.

If you know someone who is struggling to conceive, whisper a prayer for them and love on them in the way that you know how. Call them, send them flowers, give them a hug…just let them know that they are not alone.




One thought on “Baby Making Blues

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s