The S Word



The second S word in marriage, after S.E.X.

A couple of years ago, before I met the hubster, I used to hear this word and shudder. In my mind it was synonymous with ‘to be seen and not heard’. To operate like a submarine; chini ya maji. Looking back, the marriages around me as I grew up were not the perfect poster children for submission.

Submission remained such a grey area in my heart and mind regarding marriage. It was the main weakness in my SWOT analysis of marriage. It translated to weakness, period. Why would a perfectly capable woman go in and agree to be somebody’s ‘door mat’? My rationale was skewed; the root was a wounded heart. What I saw growing up had become my reality.

When I begun dating my husband, I asked the Lord to renew my mind and show me His truth regarding submission. If He created it to be beautiful then there ought to be something that I was missing. Little did I know ,not only did I need a renewal of mind, but a change of scenery as well. I had been staring at the wrong picture for far too long.

He begun to open my eyes to marriages around me that were doing it differently. I still found that within my circle, submission was subtly explained but not expounded on. So I went into marriage with a good understanding in theory of what was expected of me ,and a vague understanding of what it translated to in marriage; enough to let me know that I didn’t have to blend in with the furniture or wait to be addressed before I spoke. No submarine tactics :). Over the years, God has given me a better understanding of what submission is.

Our society has conditioned us to do things because something else has been done for us. ‘ Because he provides for the home, you should serve him when he enters the house.’ The cause and effect is all wrong. Life may throw a curve ball like sickness, and accident, loss of a job and he may not be able to provide, does that mean the submission would come to a stand still until he provides again?  We shouldn’t submit because of what our husbands do but because we know God.

It is so interesting that as Paul gave his instructions for conduct within the home he always started by instructing the women.

Instructions for Christian Households.

You wives must submit to your husbands, as is fitting got those who belong to the Lord. Colossians 3:18 (NLT)

It is sad when Christian Households borrow a leaf (or the whole tree) from Hollywood regarding how wives and husbands should relate. The bible is quite clear; it should be our yardstick. It may seem ‘boring’ because it is black and white and doesn’t advocate for coloring outside the box BUT it is all for our good. It saves us.


Spirit-Guided Relationships: Wives and Husbands

And further you will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. You wives will submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:21-24 (NLT)

Submission is a result of what Christ did for us; it is our response to the cross in our homes. -Kui Kimemia

The title is Spirit Guided Relationships because it only works if you let the Holy Spirit lead you. At the end of the day, when Christ comes back for His church we will give an account of our lives as individuals, not as husband and wife. On that day, may we not need to play the blame game like Adam and Eve did in the garden.

td jakes

A man who is not in submission to God may lead you astray. Do not submit blindly; Christ must remain the center. Let His Spirit lead you so that the devil will not deceive you.

In conclusion,

Do not stifle the holy spirit. 1 Thessalonians 5:19 (NLT)

Amplify the volume on his receiver and let Him be the voice of reason in your home and life.

Submission is a beautiful thing when done the way that Christ intended it. It allows the wife to blossom in Christ.

For the husbands: remember to love your wives as Christ loved the church.




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