Broccoli

After an hour of being  frustrated by internet speeds and Survey Monkey that wanted to re-think every instruction that I keyed in, I was happy to see Ksena when she walked in.

“Ksena, can I serve you some lunch now?”

We exchanged pleasantries as she told me all about her day. The pink sticker on her arm made her particularly happy. On Tuesday she had a nappy-haired super hero who cheered her up despite being under the weather. Today she has a blonde princess whose great at tidying up.

“Ksena, can I serve you some lunch now?”

“Mama, no thanks! I want broccoli.”

“Sorry, what?” I asked as I looked up from the screen. “I want broccoli,” she responded with certainty in her voice.

“But what about the food I’ve made. You like Chapo…” I said as I looked at her, “Yes, but I’d like some broccoli, please.”

In all humility, I went and made broccoli for her and served the florets in a bowl, she ate them with such glee, drunk her water and said thank- you.

Hubs found it strange that I was so shocked about what she wanted to eat, but I was so confused by her ‘I only want broccoli’ food preference. I introduced Ksena to broccoli a few months after we started weaning and she’s loved the little trees since. Broccoli reminds me of veggie tales.

As I watched her eat the little trees it occurred to me that if you give your body healthy things it will crave healthy things. In the same way, if you feed your Spirit the things of God, your Spirit will yearn for those things.

Here’s to craving broccoli for the body and its equivalent for the Spirit.

 

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I Shall Wait On You

As my day slowly comes to an end

When it seems my strength is gone
As the hours seem to pass by slowly
When all I try just seems so wrong

 

Within my heart I seek inspiring words
A psalm that will lift my spirit high
For so often when I feel this tired
Even on my bed I have no desire to lie

 

I reach within my soul for divine energy
I seek with my inner voice to deeply pray
Finding I have such a great need of You
For Your soothing spirit to come my way

 

And as I pray silently and so sweetly
While I also gently embrace Your name
I find I shall always wait on You Lord
Knowing my happiness I will again regain
For You are the great power which saves me
The blessed assurance my heart only knows
And happily Lord I will always wait on You
Because with all my heart I love You so.

 

Copyright © Wendell Brown | Year Posted 2015

The Waterfall

I put my nose on her head and took a deep breath, my lips curled into a smile as I took in a scent. The memories of our first weeks together flooded my memory, I cradled her in my arms as I thought about how little she was when she was born. “Esther, you have a baby girl. 3.2kgs” Daktari said as the tears cleansed my cheeks, they washed away the anxiety that I had been carrying around. Being pregnant was one miracle, a safe delivery for both mummy and baby was the other miracle.

That tear jerking moment was the first of many in our journey of getting to know each other. Our first few weeks were filled with awe of the Most High and sheer frustration, getting Ky to burp felt like squeezing toothpaste out of an empty tube, I rubbed the top of her back and the tail of the spine, sometimes I got a tiny burp other times there was nothing.

God forbid she did a proper burp, a waterfall of her milk followed, it drenched her clothes, my PJs, the sheets but it gave her relief. She would smile, and it would sort of melt the frustration away, that was until she got frustrated by my not-so-full boob that was the source of her milk. Night feeds were long, feeding every three hours was hectic and the reflux was discouraging.

As I carried her and enjoyed carrying a still version of her I realized that blessings don’t exempt you from struggles. When they come it’s good to remember that they won’t last forever. Now all I have are memories, we’ve outgrown the reflux and we are onto other struggles.

John 16:33 Amplified Bible (AMP)

33 I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace. In the world, you have tribulation and distress and suffering, but be courageous [be confident, be undaunted, be filled with joy]; I have overcome the world.” [My conquest is accomplished, My victory abiding.]

Suffering, distress, and tribulation come in different shapes and sizes but God’s peace and courage remain readily available.

 

Mommy Brain

The number of times that I walk into a room to get something and then walk out empty handed because I forgot my mission is too many to count. I feel like I have a double of Mommy brain; before I fully recovered from pregnancy absent-mindedness with Ksena, I was pregnant with Ky, so it’s been three-and-a-half years of not quite remembering everything that I set out to do.

 

mommybrain2

mommynotions.com/mushy-mommy-brain/

 

I have just endured a wailing session of thirty minutes and I survived thanks to Mommy ears which must be an extension of Mommy brain, no? Yes, I just coined that phrase, but seriously, before I became a mum I would be distracted by every little noise around me, I had cat-like ears that picked up sounds around me. Now, I surprise myself, I can hum a full song despite the screams around me. I do not ignore the serious cries, but when it’s time for ‘scream-because-I-am-a-threenager’, well, I talk then ignore and discipline.

The mountain-sized mole hill today was that it was hair day, every time I brought up my plans to undo-detangle-wash-treat-and plait the hair I was met by “Sorry mummy, I’m not yet ready, I’ll let you know when I am.” At first, I said “Okay” as I thought to myself that I should be a little flexible. But the third time, I set a time and said that I’d do her hair at that time. You can guess that she wasn’t ready at 1:40pm, but I know her, and I know that evenings are not a good time to start the hair routine, so we sat down at 1:40pm and started.

As I was half way through detangling, she started pulling her head to the front, inflicting pain on herself. We had a little tete-a-tete about it, and she settled down. Then she started screaming cum shouting “Mama” over and over again. The screams were like Rock music is for a Rock lover, powerful beats, a colorful noise. As I watched it all unfold beneath my nose, I reflected on how it is to be a child, you think you know what is best for you but you don’t. In my walk with God, there are times that I have pulled away from the circumstances, little wonder why I felt the pain of the strain. I have procrastinated and deflected, made excuses as to why I shouldn’t be doing what God has planned for me to do.

As I looked at her, I saw myself and I prayed, that the Lord would forgive me for the times that I have thrown adult version tantrums and pulled away from His will then come back to tell Him how much pain He inflicts on me.

When I finished detangling and sectioning her hair, I put her to bed to nap. Immediately she was free, the ‘sleep’ disappeared and she’s been quietly playing with her little robot since.

That’s the thing about life, sometimes you think you’d be better off somewhere else doing something else until you get out there and see that being where God needs you to be for your good.

Rushing Wind

After an hour of chaos – screams, squeals, and cries- silence fills the air. It almost feels foreign, sometimes I count down to bed time, and then when they are both in bed, I miss them. I know, I too shock myself. My feet lead me to their room to watch over them and pray for them, there is something so therapeutic about watching sleeping babies lay.

When I held Ky in my arms, my being slowed down and enjoyed the rhythm of her chest heaving and I started singing a song out of the blue.

 

Like a rushing wind
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a mighty storm
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

(Hillsong -I Surrender)

Since we got back home a few weeks ago, the girls love to slow down where we are and fall asleep, there in the stillness, they find peace and are able to enter rest. A few days ago I realized that proximity brings safety. The verse, “Draw near to me and I will draw near to you.” made a lot of sense.

As we draw closer to the Lord, we feed off His peace, His tempo becomes our tempo and His Spirit edifies our Spirits. Our hearts and beings can only truly find rest in Him.

Sometimes I don’t have the right words to say, but I know that all that He requires of me is to just come.

While I’m Waiting

“It is not like we are waiting on someone who doesn’t have a track record of perfection. God’s resume is good enough for us to wait on Him.” Travis Greene

This is a summary of what I have been telling my heart the last couple of days. There are seasons in life that God makes you wait, as you wait it is easy to get discouraged and wonder if God has moved.

Over the weekend, after trying to meet twice during the week and not being able to, I had a beautiful meeting with a friend. We’d not talked in length for months and it was nice to catch up over a cup of tea. I don’t take for granted the preservation of the Lord, tomorrow is not a guarantee, yet the Lord kept us long enough to share of His goodness. She shared with me how the Lord had moved in her life, as I sat on her couch my spirit leaped within me. Her testimony ignited something in me, I kept thinking to myself “That is my God! The one who moves mountains and causes walls to fall.”

Mid conversation tears rolled down my cheeks, they were a cocktail of emotions- hope, relief, and awe. She shared with me how the Lord had moved in her life, in a way that we agreed that it could only be God. Only He has a track record of doing the impossible, of moving mountains, of parting seas. It was such personal proof that God is still work in this day and age. My heart leaped within me as I was sunken on the couch, the weight of my thoughts and anxieties could not hold it down, a fire, a hope had been ignited in me. I kept thinking to myself “That is my God! The one who moves mountains and causes walls to fall.”

I’ve been reading Chronicles and Jeremiah and God is a force to reckon with, He is God, not a man that He should lie or walk in confusion. As I read it this time, the scenes played in my mind, and I kept telling myself, “Look at God!” and as I sat there, I saw the handprint of God.

My prayer has been Habbakuk 3:2 (NLT)

I have heard all about you, LORD. I am filled with awe by your amazing works. In this time of our deep need, help us again as you did in years gone by. And in your anger, remember your mercy.

God is all powerful, there is nothing too difficult for Him! I believe and I will trust in Him. I still believe what my eyes can’t see.

This song by Travis and Chandler is on repeat, it is such an encouragement to me to keep waiting on the Lord and to trust in Him.

I know that I am not the only one whose faith falters. It is nice to read of the works of the Lord in the Bible, but sometimes you want someone to tell you what God has done for them in 2017. I would like to use this platform to encourage others, if you have a testimony that you would like to share with others, please send me an email via bibi2bee@gmail.com and I will publish it for the glory of His name.

For you who is waiting, I pray that this will be your testimony as you wait.

While I’m waiting I’m getting stronger
My faith is rising, and I will run on
While I’m waiting I’m lifting up on wings as eagles
I believe, I will trust in You

 

 

Choked

The lump in my throat felt like it had been chained to my molars, it didn’t budge no matter how hard I swallowed, the waves of water I drunk washed it but didn’t push it. It was stuck, and for once I was forced to confront it, see it for what it really was.

Earlier that day, I woke up to pray and I whispered a series of simple prayers, they weren’t seemingly ‘powerful’ command-the-morning, devil-you-are-defeated kind of prayers, though yes the devil is defeated. They were simple heartfelt whispered pleas said from a guarded but expectant heart.

“Babe, what happened to you?” hubs asked as we had our breakfast. “What do you mean?” I asked as I took a sip of my Moringa Hibiscus tea, “You used to pray a lot…you know you will stand and give an account for yourself as an individual,” immediately I heard these words the piece of sweet potato in my throat became harder, I felt like I was eating a sweet fibrous boulder.

“I am trying to get back there. I’ve been praying shorter prayers, but I am still at it.” I responded but the question lingered with me. As I went about my day, I sought the answer within, and I stopped when I realized what had really happened. I had been choked, to the point that I found myself gasping for air, sometimes my faith was even turning blue. It wasn’t because God or His word had changed, but I had shifted my focus. The worries of this world (that is soon passing away) had choked my desire, drive and resolve to pray passionately.

Motherhood has taught me that it is not only bad things that can choke you, even water and breast milk can choke a child, these are liquids that are meant to refresh. In the same way, the things that choke my faith are not necessarily bad things, in fact, some of them are the roles that I play as a mum and a wife, but that shouldn’t be an excuse. If anything it should be a reminder to always be sensitive enough to know when the balance shifts, to know when the water goes down the wrong pipe, to recognize the coughing spasms in my faith, the difficulty praying, and to ask for help.

Here’s to eating life with a big spoon, praying and not choking.