You never really know yourself until you live with someone. Then you get to see who you are when pushed to the wall and when you are embraced and praised. The best perk of them all, is that you get to hear and maybe see (depending on the other party) how you act after hours.
The latter has been true for me. For many years I suffered from Bruxism. I’d gnash my teeth for hours while asleep. I later found out it was a symptom of anxiety. A few months into this married life, I begun to feel safe and pray about it and the Lord delivered me. It didn’t irritate me much, but, hubs on the hand was a bit confused initially that I’d gnash my teeth and sleep through it all.
Over the years we’ve been married, I’ve heard all sorts of tales about what I do after hours. Most recently, I participated in the mannequin challenge without knowing. And, because hubs knows that I will deny it ever so vehemently, he records it for proof. I surprise myself every once in a while.
I generally go through seasons where I dream a lot. Currently, I’ve been too exhausted to dream as I normally do. I mean, the short naps barely leave time to feel rested, let alone be entertained by dreams. But once in a while I do dream, ever so vividly.
My body has somewhat adjusted to this night shift life. Somewhat, is the key word. I’ve figured that this shift allows me a lot of time to think. Think about life, in it’s vastness. It’s great to see how brainstorming with myself produces good results. I find solutions at this time.
Recently, I begun to dream. To see my life beyond burp cloths, diaper changes and craft sessions. This is a big deal!!! With Miss K, I was stuck in a hole. A hole so dark it consumed me. This time I can see the light!!! I can see new lights. New opportunities. I can dream new dreams. This time, I am inspired. Inspired to hope, love and to dream. To see beyond my horizon (the wall in front of me as I try to burp Ky).
I’m writing down my dreams and desires. Committing them to prayer and allowing myself to hear God speak.
Oh yes, I’m praying. It’s amazing how God speaks. I’m praying about everything and seeing God move in all things.
Joseph was labelled the dreamer, but His dreams came to pass. I’m holding on to my dreams and clinging to God’s perfect plan for me.
God’s not done with me!
I’m here being fully present in my current season, fully acknowledging that though it may be difficult sometimes, it is not a prison. I’m pursuing the King of Kings; and dreaming. Oh, I’m dreaming with my eyes open.