Look Whooos Here :) Our Quiver And The Hand Of God

I have seen the hand of the Lord!!

I’m sitting on the edge of my bed, replaying the last one week in my mind and I can’t help but stand in awe of God. Every fibre within me wants to give praise to His name because I am convinced without a shadow of doubt that it was Him who carried me through. I am here because His victorious right hand was with me.

1 Chronicles 16:8-11 New Living Translation (NLT)

Give thanks to the Lord and proclaim his greatness.
    Let the whole world know what he has done.
Sing to him; yes, sing his praises.
    Tell everyone about his wonderful deeds.
10 Exult in his holy name;
    rejoice, you who worship the Lord.
11 Search for the Lord and for his strength;
    continually seek him.

More than a week ago, I was 39 weeks 3 days pregnant, and anxiety had flooded my whole being. I couldn’t keep still, I was cleaning, arranging and driving all around. When evening came, I begun to stall. We went out for dinner and I wasn’t in a hurry to get home. I even negotiated check in time with my doctor to be as late as possible. After settling Miss K to bed, my calloused soles became an emergency that I needed to attend to before I could be admitted. 🙂 Thank God for my patient mummy and hubby.

I finally got to hospital at 10pm on the dot. I barely slept the first night, I was too anxious, also hospitals are not hotels. How I longed for my bed and for a goodnight sleep sans the screeching trolleys in the corridors. At 4:30am, I was woken up to shower and get ready for theatre. Immediately I stirred, the Holy Spirit placed this verse in my heart.

isaiah-41-10

This verse ended up being my lifeline. I hang onto every word of it. Every. Single. Word. It was my hope. It was my promise. And I held on to it with my all.

I was fasting that morning, so I had more than enough time to twist my hair as I danced to my anthem of the day, err, week.

As I sung this song, my spirits lifted. I was convinced without a shadow of doubt that God was with me and that He had gone ahead of me. Even as I had desired a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) yet it didn’t come to pass, I knew He was Lord of it all and Lord in it all.

I’ve had 4 surgeries under general anesthesia but this time my desire was that God would allow me to be present as this little one was born. When the VBAC failed to happen, I knew that a Spinal Block was my next bet. I have heard some horror stories about life post spinal block and read the statistics of the side effects. But my heart still wanted what it wanted. To be present. To hear the little one cry. To give thanks in real time. To witness the miracle of birth, the way that He would allow.

As I was wheeled to theatre, my heart was lighter. I knew that God had gone ahead of me and was with me. I had spent a lot of time praying for the team I would find in theatre on the day, and He blew me away. The people who needed to calm my heart were there; they spoke the truth of the Lord to me, as I waited. The doctors and nurses were exactly who God needed to be there. Best of all, I knew that God was there. He was my midwife and my chief physician. As the anesthesia took it’s effect and I lay there, I knew without a shadow of doubt that God was with me, for me and in me.

god-is

The things that troubled my heart,the anxieties that mauled my peace were put at ease when I let Him be God. I had experienced sleepless moments the last couple of weeks wondering how it would all play out, but God! God did it. That morning before the clock struck 9, Miss K was promoted to big sister as Miss Ky made her debut into the world outside the womb. I was present. I heard her cry. I prayed as tears of joy streamed down my face. My heart was at peace.

I’ll probably blog about the last couple of weeks in detail in the coming days. The fact remains that I’ve seen His hands and feet in the people around me, those who’ve prayed, consistently reached out, taken time out to just be. The righteous hand of the Lord has upheld me. He has carried me.

Now we are 4 Ks. Our quiver is fuller.

We are blessed.

We are not alone.

We have been helped.

We are strengthened.

We are upheld.

All glory, honor and majesty be to our King.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

 

 

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When Life Happened

life happens

“Why is it so cold?

Where is my baby?

Is she okay?

I’m freezing in here.”

September 30th 2014 at 5:15pm I woke up from what seemed like the longest nap asking these questions. So relieved to be alive; cognizant of the fact that not everyone makes it back to this side alive.

Overwhelmed by emotion, I lay there looking disheveled, as though life had happened. Hold up! Life had just happened. The resident of my womb had just been evicted and my body was shaken. It had been a lovely host environment for the last nine months.It adapted and stretched to accommodate the little one, and just like that she was out. I felt happy but oh so empty, my extra heartbeat was now living out of me; what a strange feeling that was.

I was still high on the anesthesia and exhausted from laboring for twelve hours only to be told ‘I am so sorry. You are still 6cms dilated. It is cervical dystocia’ . Honestly, I have never been so terrified in my whole life. I was all set for a normal delivery, I even had my sitz bath all set up in my bathroom before I left for the hospital. I was in too much pain, with the contractions back to back to try and understand what the doctor meant by ‘dystocia’.

I was all walked out. I mean I had bounced on the yoga ball for so long. I closed my eyes and I could still feel the buoyancy, reminded me of being in the deep sea; floating – no strength to swim or fight the waves. Tired of waiting for someone to rescue me. I was all cried out, beat, frail and so afraid.

When I saw my little girl, sheer unprecedented joy flooded my heart. I was a mother, me, yet I wasn’t so sure I had figured out this thing called adulthood. Now someone would look up to me and call me mummy? Where was my mummy? I needed MY mummy, and a little girl needed her mummy, she needed me.

My birth partner, who had arrived right before the ‘cervical dystocia’ announcement, did what I consider one of the best things ever; she brought the baby and taught me how to latch her to my breast. I really do thank God that we figured out how to do it on our first try. The sensation was weird to say the least. My breast was not used to being sucked like someone’s life depended on it. Yet, here we were, it needed to toughen up and adapt to the new role.

Here I am, ten months on. I am so grateful that life happened. It has not been in a walk in the park, we’ve had our fair share of challenges including postpartum depression but it has been the best adventure yet. My daughter turned my life upside down and inside out. She has made me question many things that I considered truth. I have had to re-evaluate my values and myself, figure out what I truly believe in, the legacy that I want to pass on to her.

I have probably never been so sleep deprived but neither has my heart been so full of love. She has taught me little life lessons. What do you know, ten months down the line and another baby doesn’t sound like such a bad idea. Divine amnesia.

Beautiful, life changing, magical memories are made when life happens. Yes sometimes, life knocks the wind out our lungs, but we bounce back. Truly we are much stronger than we think. Life throws curve balls our way and we swing our bats like never before and make that home run.

My life changed when life happened. Boy, am I glad it did. Here is to more adventures, more laughs, more tears and more unprecedented joy.

Life happened. I survived. I continue to thrive.

Blessings,

Bibi2be