“No-You-Didn’t”

As a mother, the first six months of a child’s life are the most stressful. It’s not necessarily the child, but the way that the hormonal imbalance makes me perceive things, post-partum blues are real. Colic and reflux seem like the Himalayas at the time, while in retrospect they are more like Ngong hills.

When the hormones balance out, I begin to see the Sun on the horizon, I hear the birds chirping, I feel the stone I kicked stub my toe, I feel the velvety softness of my baby’s touch, I laugh from the depths of my belly, and the extra weight begins to go.

I can see clearly.

Having two little ones with a small age gap, well, small is relative considering it is a two-year difference, can be hard. But, as they grow they become friends, they can play together, they desire to spend time with each other and it is so beautiful to watch.

Until they fight.

And when they fight I become Mama the ref, my titles increase, and I realize that being younger doesn’t necessarily equate to being innocent. The transition from innocence to knowing what is right and wrong, well a little of it, happens overnight. But the coos, giggles, and smiles remain constant, so it is easy to be led to believe that the little one doesn’t know what she is doing, but she does.

Sharing doesn’t come naturally, saying ‘please and thank-you’ is not part of the default settings of a human being, and there lies the work of a parent, repetition, trying to constantly draw them back to where they need to be.

Ky was not ready for the responsibility that comes with knowing right from wrong. So she pushes the boundaries, and when I say ‘No thank-you Ky, please don’t bite your sister,’ she wails, her soft smile turns into a ‘ no-you-didn’t ‘ kinda wail.

She takes offense.

Looking at how she deals with the correction made me reflect on my life as a child of God. Watching how overwhelmed and upset she becomes looks very familiar to me, the stories that I made up when God said ‘No’ suddenly come flooding into my mind. At the time, I didn’t care that He was right, all I wondered is why He would want to hurt me, to hurt my feelings. Yet all He was doing was for me.

As parents, we correct and discipline because we love our children and want the best for them. God is no different, if anything, it is He who set the example that we should follow. My challenge to myself is to be less offended and begin to see the correction from His perspective, after all, it is for me.

The beautiful thing is that in two minutes, Ky forgets that she was upset and even goes to play with her sister. She’ll flash me a two-toothed smile, nod her head and then charge towards Ksena laughing.

Perhaps this is why the Lord desires for us to remain like children, that we will know at the bottom of our hearts that we are loved and that He disciplines us because He loves us.

 

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Take A Step Back And See How Far You’ve Come

I took a video of Miss K a couple of days ago that left me balancing tears. It hit me just how far we’ve come. From prolonged labour that led to a C-section, to spending extra days in hospital trying to lower Bilirubin levels; to very long nights of colic, to dealing with a high need baby; to the squint caused by light seeping through the phototherapy eye mask, to a bad case of heat rash; to not quite recovering from sleep regression, to solid food challenges. It was quite the ride but God was constant.

God is Constant

Yesterday I remembered how a couple of years ago I was in and out of Doctor’s offices trying to get a proper diagnosis for all the pain I was feeling. It was perhaps one of the most stressful seasons of my life. I flashed back to the time when I had recurring Ovarian cysts that were extremely painful. A few months down the line I had to have a Cancer marker test done. Tense, scared and anxious do not even begin to describe my state then. I was terrified, I had so many questions. The results were negative, which was a relief but there was still no explanation for the recurrent cysts, bitter- sweet. Then, it was hard for me to believe that I could live cyst free. Here I am, a couple of years later, living cyst free. Praise be to God.

far

I am constantly thinking about how far I have to go that I forget to appreciate how far I’ve come. My mind tends to run head of itself, which is not healthy. It gets worse especially when I feel as though I have been stagnating, which is not true. Though I feel like I have been at the same place for too long, in Him I am still moving, living and having my being – Acts 17:28.

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What has made you feel like you are stagnating?

Today, take a step back and marvel at how far you’ve come. Give God thanks for the seasons that have passed and put your trust in Him for those to come. He is faithful.

Blessings,

Bibi2be 

Lessons from My Daughter (Pt 1)

They say that when a baby is born, a mother is born too. Being a first time mom can feel very close to groping the dark. It demands that the theory you think you know is put into practice. It is a stretching process.

Almost 3 months ago, my world changed, to say the very least. A precious little one was placed in my arms and the journey begun. As a mom, I was humbled by the opportunity to teach a human being what she needs to know about the world. Little did I know she would teach me a couple of lessons too.

1. The Power Of A Smile

After several days of sleep deprivation, it is VERY easy to feel as though you are losing your mind; UNTIL she flashes the toothless smile. It is a reminder that this is ALL worth it and that it will get better.

Colic episodes are hellish, but the smile after the pain lets me know that we are in this together.

I am reminded that I should enjoy the present season and smile more. I shouldn’t let the bad episodes of life rob me of my joy or make me forget how to smile. Plus, I never know, it may just cheer somebody else up.

one smile

2. Opportunities Lie In Plain Sight

‘Curious!’ That is the best word to describe her at this stage. She constantly wants to investigate her surroundings. If it can be grabbed, she grabs it and if it can be tasted, before you know it, her tongue will be on it.

If I pay close attention to my surroundings I will identify opportunities that I can take advantage of. Lil missy is quite a pro. She is NOT about passive living; she wants to figure out what everything does, and where she fits in the bigger picture.

No more passive living. It’s time to keep my eyes peeled and seize the opportunities that present themselves.

opportunity

3. Practice Makes Perfect

We are at the stage where we are developing motor skills. It is so interesting to watch her want to practice every time she gets a chance.

What are the skills I would like to build? How serious am I about practicing a little every day?

Speaking of skills, I recently picked up my crochet (partly thanks to Kenya Power and their inefficiency). I didn’t know what I wanted to do with it, but I just started crocheting, more like refreshing my memory on how to do it, because it’s been 13 years since I last crocheted.

I ended up making a head band for the litu star, no pattern. It just came to me.

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I’m excited to see what else I can do if I put my mind to it. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4:13)

Motherhood! I’ve got a long way to go. I’m glad that each passing day leaves me a little wiser than I was before. I’m looking forward to many more years of teaching and being taught precious life lessons.

Merry Christmas 🙂 May the birth of Christ be very real to you. He is the reason for the season.

Blessings,

Bibi2Be