I Will Love, Dearly, Deeply and Deliberately <3

The two lines made my heart skip a beat.

image-3

courtesy of peonies and picnics

Joy and awe flooded my heart.

But doubt was not very far behind.

Two sets of hands of feet were joining our family. Two sets of dreams and destiny. We were going to be parents of two little humans.

I didn’t feel ready, better still qualified. The truth is that sometimes I doubt that I’m doing a good job mummying one set of hands and feet, so the thought of a  bonus had me shaking in my boots. Wondering how I’d love two people. Half hoping it would just happen, and praying that I could be objective, sans favorites. Oh Lord, without favorites. Because they are both mine, my flesh and blood. Above all, they are God’s and I am, we are, just stewards.

favorites

As the days went by, I stopped saying I’d love them equally because I felt like it put a limit on the love, like I had to divide.

I decided to love them dearly, deeply and deliberately. To act it out and say it loud.

And what is love?

Love is being patient and kind even when the crank from sleep deprivation wants to take the day. Love is not being jealous, proud, rude or boastful. It does not demand it’s own way.  It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. Love is keeping my word. Singing one more song, building legos, not being easily angered. Love is not rejoicing about injustice but rejoicing whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love is showing up, doing the sacrificial thing, laying down my life. (Some parts of this are from 1 Cor 13:4-8)

Love is what Christ what would do. He lay down His life for me and paid the price for my sin. He loves me everyday and nothing can separate me from His love (Romans 8:38-39) I have seen my husband model love to me and the girls, love makes all of the difference.

Love is teaching them about God, sharing the gospel with them and leading by example. Love is discipling them.

luke7-47

Here I am, repurposing daily to love these girls,deeply and deliberately. To drink deeply from the well of love and fill my cup. I can’t give what I don’t have. My glorious redeemer set the perfect example for me. He gave His life for me. Now I give my love to the K girls.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

Of Broken Screens, Shattered Dreams And The Life Inbetween

A few weeks ago, I dropped my phone. This wasn’t the first time, this time my screen cracked in a not so interesting pattern.

I was a little sad, but given the situation at hand, it was the lesser evil. A little background: Ksena saw a swimming pool and sprinted towards it. Now, she has never jumped into a pool without adult supervision before, but I wasn’t about to find out if she would test that boundary. So I dropped everything in hand and followed her. Unfortunately my phone paid the price.

Side bar: if anyone knows where I can find the screen for a Huawei Honor 4c please let me know. You’ll have made my life so much easier. I have seen that there is a cracked screen wallpaper app, I don’t understand the rationale behind wanting a cracked screen. Perhaps a mosaic?

d112be03a0f8e4327544db2db911d74d

Back to the story, a few weeks later here I am walking with a broken screen which initially irritated me but I’ve now learned to live with, then I meet one of my sister’s from another mama and she gives me much needed insight.

She said, at some point, we all learn to live with the dysfunctions in life.

It hit me hard because it was about more than just the phone. It was a simple life truth. Sometimes life doesn’t go as planned, the dysfunctions look different for different people, it can be death of a loved one, loss of a job, a shattered dream,  depression, end of a friendship or relationship, sickness… the truth is that the cracks in the screens of our lives can disoriented us and hurt us deeply. In fact, a week after I dropped the phone, a crack cut my finger. Man, that hurt. Such is life, sometimes the cracks hurt us deeply and leave a scar.

The definitive crack in my life was losing my dad. It hurt so bad. I wasn’t sure how I’d live without him. My seemingly picture perfect life had cracked and my heart was bleeding. I had so many dreams for us, he was supposed to walk me down the aisle the following year, we had just discussed marriage. I felt abandoned and alone. My dreams in a row had just been shattered. And now I had to dream again, if only I could find peace to fall asleep again.

Eventually, I learned to deal with the dysfunction. It became my new normal. It paralyzed me but eventually I found my feet again and started to move in the right direction. I knew it wouldn’t be the same but the journey was crucial.

2ed0ef440751acca8e8d84f72fee2a63

Clinging on to God was all that I knew and could do. Without Him I was lost. Without Him I was hopeless. I let Him carry me and I found rest and peace. His healing hand touched my broken heart and I experienced wholeness in the midst of a storm. Hallelujah!! I was able to dream again and slowly but surely the dreams are coming to pass.

He is faithful in the midst of the storm. Run to Him and experience His peace.

Blessings,

Bibi2be