Running on E

WhoMy morning began with a choir of tears.

I knew we were off to a difficult start. Before I had children, I used to be a morning person. Now, I  wake up before my alarm bings because I am an often-tired person, who has a long list of things to do. To be honest, I doubt I was really a morning person, I think that the Endometriosis induced fatigue was less in the morning.

Motherhood is a lifetime job. It is multi-faceted so the brief keeps changing. Perhaps, change is one of the constants. Some tricks grow old, you grow old, and your children. well, they grow older too.

It is a cocktail of laughs from the depth of your belly, and tears from the bottom of your heart. Some days are good, some days are heart-wrenching.  From time to time you countdown to bedtime, not because you hate your children, but because they have been EXTRA the whole day and you want to catch a break. On the unfortunate days, your emotions, and internal conflicts get in the way, and you are harsher than you should have been. You are not as patient as you say Jesus wants us to be. Some days you fail, and as you watch your little one’s tummy rise and fall as they sleep, you beat yourself up. You wallow in regret and helplessness.

I have many days that I wake up feeling as if I’m running on a deficiency. As though my fuel is at E. Many days where I cry to Jesus for forgiveness, and almost beg for strength because I feel spent. Days where nothing feels like it is enough.

A few days ago, in the most unlikely place, and almost in passing, the Lord reminded me that unless I look to Him and rely on Him I will feel disadvantaged. I will feel that I am not enough. I will fall short even before I stand tall.

The bolts of your gates will be iron and bronze, and your strength will equal your days. Deuteronomy 33:25

My strength shall equal my days. God, who pre-destined me, who knows all of the days that I have lived and those to come, has already apportioned me the adequate strength to face each day.

After this revelation, I started saying this prayer in the morning:

Dear Lord, I do not know what the day holds, but I know it is You who holds it. I know that you have given me the adequate strength to face this day, therefore I will go forth with boldness and peace.

For this mama, who is sometimes weary, my heart is encouraged when I know that my strength will equal my days.

 

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Pain Precedes Joy : Day 30

And just like that, a month has gone by. I have managed to blog everyday for one month. Some days have been more difficult than others, I have cried tears but I have overcome.

labour

It reminds me a lot of this day one year ago. I was overdue and so ready for my baby to vacate my body. It was time. Baby and I were both cognizant of this fact. My blood pressure was escalating as the hours went by and she had already pooped in the womb. After a failed induction and membrane rupture, I was six centimeters dilated for seven excruciating hours. Labour pains were progressing but my cervix had reached its end; Cervical Dsytocia. I was discouraged and scared. It was supposed to be simpler, straightforward.

I ended up in the theatre. When the baby was placed in my arms, it didn’t matter, what method God had used to bring her out. She was worth every ounce of pain I felt. God’s timing was perfect. She was my perfect gift from the Most High.

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It is the same way with life. God places a good and perfect gift within you but it seems to linger on longer than you expected. It is possible for your attitude towards the gift, the giver and yourself to jeopardize how you finish. Don’t let fear make you want to keep it in longer than your ‘womb’ should host it. His grace is sufficient for the season to come. He will help and strengthen you. His power will be made perfect in your weakness.

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Whatever the Lord has placed within you will come to pass. Though your estimated due date has passed, the end is close.  The season of labour may seem like it is not yielding anything, but God will come to your rescue and He will help you to deliver your ‘baby’. Your joy is coming. Hang in there. It will be worth all the pain and sleepless nights. Surrender it all to Him and trust that He will carry you through and strengthen you.

Prayer of the day:

Dear God,

I thank you for this day and for the gift that you have placed within me. I feel as though the pain has tarried for too long and I am getting weary. Father by your power, please encourage and strengthen me. Help me to keep my eyes on you and may your plan, that is good, prevail. Prepare and equip for this next season that you may be seen in and through me.

You know the desires and anxieties of my heart, I ask Oh Lord, that while on others thou art calling, do not pass me by.

In Jesus name I pray and believe,

Amen

The song of the day:

Thank you for taking this journey with me. I’m humbled that the Lord chose to use me for the glory of His name.

God bless and keep you,

Bibi2be

P.S I would love to hear your testimonies of what God has done in and for you this month. Please send me an email on ess@bibi2be.com