Broken Telephone: Shattered Screens and Realized Dreams

Tuesday 27th September 2016

The following events take place between 3:26am and 6:26am

3:26am

I wake up to check the monitor and realize that I need to adjust something in Miss K’s room. As I get up, I notice that my phone is low on charge, and decide to charge it on the other side of the room. As I bend and look for the cable, the phone falls, lands on the floor screen first and the screen shatters.

I say to myself, “What a start to a day!” Wait? Does 3:27am even count as a start to my day? It’s more like an intermission. I was planning on running back to bed and sleeping. I start to wonder if I really needed to charge my phone at that time. Thoughts of regret course through my mind. I’ve been here before, not so long ago actually. It was such a long process to get a new screen the last time, due to unavailability of screens in Mombasa. In Nairobi, it was only one guy who had it. I found him after weeks of searching. Sigh.

3:40am

I have thought about it long enough and the conclusion is the same; what’s done is done. So I pick up my bible and prayer books and head to the sitting room. After all, hubby usually says that if you wake up at 3am, it’s time to pray.

3:45am

It is such an inconvenient time for my phone to break. Yes, I’m still on this vibe, now I’ve just decided to tell God how disappointed I am. But there is only so much crying over spilt milk one can do, so I let that be and start to read God’s word. I start with 2nd Thessalonians and finish with 1st Thessalonians. In the process, my heart is left encouraged. Nowhere does it mention broken screens 🙂 but I know that there is more to life than the comfort of intact screens.

4:30am

I might as well write now that I am fully awake. I have been meaning to put together a work book that will help me teach Ksena shapes, letters, numbers, sizes, and God’s truth as we craft and sing. So I start writing, rather, I start drawing and it begins to flow.

By now, I am no longer sleepy. Though I know this sleep will catch up with me later in the day. At least I will have something to show for it.

I pour myself a cup of tea and continue writing. The satisfaction and joy builds in my heart with every sip I take and every letter I type.

6:00am

The book is almost done and I realize WOW!!! I love to teach this little girl and I would love to teach other children God’s truth. My desire to have a bible study here in Mombasa has not quite taken off, but this book can help other mums teach their children and have fun while at it.

6:10am

I should try get an hour of sleep, but first, I decide to write this blog post to be published later.

My heart is full. This workbook is one of my writing and teaching dreams on paper. It will help me to be intentional about teaching Ksena. Also, I love the fact that it integrates God’s truth with the basic things of life. It’s simple and fun. It’s intentional. This book has four lessons, you can spread each lesson over a week, so it should last you a month. Book 2 is already running through my mind.

I want to upload it on this blog so that people can download it. I am not quite sure how to do that just yet, but I am sure I will find a way. If you’d like to help out in this little project, please send me an email via ess@bibi2be.com .

If you would like to receive this book via email when I’m done with it this week, please send me an email via ess@bibi2be.com and I will send you a copy.

Would I have woken up to write without my screen breaking? Let’s just say that sometimes God gets our attention loud and clear. I’ve been playing broken telephone for a long time, regarding this and other projects. Looks like this time the phone actually broke.

Here’s to keeping screens intact longer, heeding the Lord’s call and executing the dream.

6:26am

I finally sprint to bed for that extra hour of sleep. A bitter sweet start to the day, but I’m definitely dwelling on the sweet part.

Have a blessed day,

Bibi2be

 

Pep Talk Time: Accept The Season And Enjoy The Season

In a few months, it will be 4 years since we relocated to Mombasa. A long-short time. I’ve gotten to love it and I am almost used to the heat; though don’t ask me about the heat in January, February or March. I’ll be too parched to talk about it. The sun and humidity know how to tango during these months, and they put on quite a show that leaves you drenched in sweat. Don’t judge the momentum of the people who live at the Coast too harshly. The heat has a way of reducing your speed and bringing along lethargy.

You’d think that after all this time, I’d be fully settled and used to culture. Time after time, I find myself comparing it to Nairobi, because it is what I am used to. In some aspects, I have a lens that inhibits me from fully enjoying the season as it is. To be honest, I miss the variety that Nairobi offers. The restaurants, the malls, the hospitals and schools.  I miss my friends and family, though I’m slowly navigating my way around this; and thanking God for social media and my annual trips.

With the big picture in mind, I wouldn’t go back, or at least not just yet. I know that for this season in life, I am where I need to be. And that’s exactly it. Life is about seasons. It is important to recognize the season, and live in it.

I’ve been faced with decisions of late and I’ve missed having more options. Though, my security or wisdom do not come from my careful considerations of the options. After all, a man’s heart plans his way, but it is the Lord who directs His steps (Proverbs 16:9).

Another verse that I fully relate with in this time is:

lords-purpose

The King James Version says that the counsel of the LORD shall stand.

There are many devices in a man’s heart; nevertheless the counsel of the LORD, that shall stand.

In the midst of options and situations where the options are fewer, it is the Lord’s counsel that matters. I feel I need to say that again. It is the Lord’s counsel that matters.

So, I am placing my ‘Nairobi lens’ aside and any other lens that has hindered me from enjoying the season. I am taking on the Lord’s counsel and enjoying the season. No more ‘one foot in, one foot out’. I’m all in, and I am going to enjoy the season as the Lord has ordered my steps and continues to order my steps. For the glory of His name.

Has your ‘ideal’ lens been keeping you from enjoying your current season in life? Do you miss having options to consider and feel as though you are in complete control of your life? Spend time with the Lord and listen out for His counsel that it may stand.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

 

Celebrating 200 Posts!!

I wrote my 200th post yesterday *happy dance*

I don’t think it hit me how big it was, but as I settled in to bed last night I realized it’s 200 POSTS!!!

LOOK AT GOD!!!

When I started Bibi2be, I didn’t have it all figured out but I knew I needed to start writing, so I did. It was my step of faith into the unknown, where feet may fail. Through the years, I have seen God carry me.

It’s not merely about the 200 posts but the revelation, inspiration, emotion and prayer that has gone into each and every one of them. The journey has not been easy, I have questioned God, wrestled Him even. Thrown in the towel a few times, then picked it up a couple of days later; thrown toddler like tantrums and learned to obey. I feel like I should say ‘learned to obey’ one more time just for emphasis.

I have grappled with sadness, depression and experienced such joy!! I have learned to love and be loved. What to hold on to and when to let go. I have grown in God and my love and desire for Him has increased.

My love for writing has come alive. I didn’t think I could write a book, but this process has shown me that I can write as many as the Lord leads me to write.

I’m still learning to live and be all that He created me to be.

07a629712a15e99ee0ae5c0635019319

These 200 posts are my testimony that God is God alone. He is constant. He is faithful. He is God.

This blog has given me an audience beyond Kenya’s borders. I’m humbled. All this is for His glory.

The plans I may have had have wilted in light of God’s plan for Bibi2be. And it is okay.

I remain convinced that He is still coming for His bride. Oh that we may be found ready, with oil in our lamps.

I don’t know what the future holds and quite frankly I stopped worrying about it because each day has enough worries of it’s own. However, I am convinced that this is just the beginning.

This is to greater heights through and in Him. My desire is that it’ll be said of me , ‘God is the wind beneath her wings’.

I pray that as you continue to seek God you will find Him. May He give you a hunger for Him that cannot be sated by anything else. May His peace, His perfect peace, guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.

col3-23

Take the leap. Heed the call. Walk upon those waters.

I’m off to celebrate the Lord’s goodness, grace and mercy over my life. This is one for the books.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

 

Another Chance To Get It Right

I didn’t know the power of coffee until I became a mother of an energetic toddler. The term ‘morning person’ was redefined; I always imagined that I was a morning person, but my energy levels paled in comparison to Ksena’s. She wakes up ready to take on the world. Her booting phase takes all of ten minutes max and then the stories begin. Some days she would wake up as the sun peeked out of the clouds and I was still asleep in my head. My train of thought was not yet up and running.

courtesy of commons.wikemedia.org

courtesy of commons.wikemedia.org

Coffee became my crutch. Only after I could see the bottom of my cup of coffee, could I fully function. Coffee helped me truly wake up and be normal; it kicked miss cranky pants out. Anytime before coffee o’clock I was somewhat sleep walking as I tried to keep up with conversation and hurriedly make breakfast. It got to a place that I had to stop drinking the coffee, well, I realized that it wasn’t really helping my estrogen levels and also I had an unhealthy relationship with it.

So I stopped drinking coffee. The first couple of days were a blur. I’d properly wake up four hours into the day, and my energy levels were suffering. I had to find a substitute. I started having Apple Cider Vinegar in water in the morning which really helped with my energy levels, but before that, I started praying and asking God to help me. To carry me and strengthen me.

I won’t lie, sometimes I still crave a cup of coffee but I have learned that it cannot be my lifeline or shortcut. Only Jesus can energize me and give me mental clarity that lasts the whole day.

So I say, in the morning when I rise, give me Jesus and all day too.

give me Jesus

Some nights I go to bed, beating myself up, because sheer exhaustion is not the best lens to examine yourself by. A few days ago, as I reflected on the day that was, I realized I hadn’t gotten a chance to do everything that I would have liked, to give as many cuddles as I’d have liked [also, because cuddling an extremely active toddler can be a wee bit difficult ] and it made me sad. I have an idea of what being a ‘perfect mum’ looks like but there are so many days that I fall short.

As I settled into bed, this quote caught my eye:

‘Being a perfect parent doesn’t matter. Being a praying parent does.’ Stormie Omartian

Sometimes I am so stuck on perfection that I forget to pray more. Yet prayer is what matters.

This morning, I am thankful for another chance to get it right. A chance to love God above all else, love my family, live in purpose and pray more.

Have a wonderful day.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

Praising While Waiting In The Hallway

I shared this image on my instagram page yesterday and it brought back so many memories.

IMG_20160613_085551

As the reel rolled in my head, I appreciated how far the Lord has brought me. 

I vividly remember, this time a few years ago when I was ‘stuck’ and miserable in the hallway. I thought it would last a couple of weeks, but it lasted a couple of months; I was devastated. I was thoroughly dissatisfied most of those months, wondering why God wasn’t moving. I felt stuck; in the hand of the Almighty. What frustrated me most is that I knew that unless God opened the door my efforts were futile. I was in limbo.

I secretly wished He would even let me go back to the previous season as He sorted out the kinks in the road. I wanted to be busy, to feel as though I was thriving. Not just waiting; indefinitely.

Towards the end, I learned a few life changing lessons and realized that I had missed out on the joy of the season as I complained and grumbled.

1) Mirror mirror on the wall

One fixture that I like to look at in hallways is a mirror. As I walked in the hallway of my life I was forced to stop and take a good look in the mirror. As I stared, I could hear God saying, ” I’m talking to the (wo)man in the mirror”.  At once, I knew that I wasn’t getting out of the hallway until He had dealt with some issues of my heart.

The hallway is a refining place. A place where God does business with you, if you let Him. It can be difficult to sit still in a world that tells you to go, go, go!

 

2) Curb the storytelling

An overactive imagination doesn’t take leave during the walk in the hallway. I made up stories about why God wasn’t accelerating me as fast as I hoped. In fact, I had theories that I used to analyze.

I lost a lot of time making up stories instead of focusing on His story. I really should have been focusing on His truth instead of making up wise sounding lies.

3) Funnel time

During this time of reflection, it’s possible to feel very lonely. Or rather realize there are not as many people standing by your side and cheering you on as you thought. My circle became smaller, and I realized, that I didn’t quite fit in where I’d been; and I wasn’t quite sure where I was headed either.

There, I learned to appreciate the few who made it through the funnel of life. The all-weather, hallway-or-open door friends.

4) We need to be In sync

Exodus 33:15 New Living Translation (NLT)

15 Then Moses said, “If you don’t personally go with us, don’t make us leave this place.

I would rather be in the hallway with God than out in the greatest door without Him.

After grumbling for months I realized that in His presence there is fullness of joy. His covering is not to be taken for granted. His peace surpasses all understanding. He is all that I need and He has all that I need. My journey motto became “If you do not go with me, I will not go!”

5) Know when to get out

The hallway exists for a reason. To provide a break from season to season. To help you take stock as you transition from one door to another. Fear of the unknown should not make you afraid to close a door when it’s time. It is important to know when to leave.

There were times that I regretted walking out of the last door, but it was time. I learned the value of walking in God’s timing and not holding to things, people and seasons longer than I need to.

Being in the hallway was a refining time. It was painful but beautiful, when I finally stopped complaining and let God show me His purpose. Even in this door that He opened, sometimes I don’t see the full picture, but I have learned to run back to Him and His word.

lamp

God will open the door that He has prepared for you. Keep the faith. Remind yourself of His promises. He is for you. Don’t grow weary of waiting on Him, keep your eyes on Him and let Him prepare you for the greatness before you.

God wants you to excel through the journey, not just start strong and fail to finish. Trust that He who knit you in your mother’s womb knows what is best for you.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

Lord, I Am Coming!!

I’m quite good at multitasking, but I have to do things immediately.~ Heidi Klum

I’ve realized that if I don’t do things immediately, I tend to forget and remember way after. It becomes history.

Yesterday as I read my bible, this verse really struck me.

 

come

First off, it is so precious that the Lord desires for me to go and talk with Him. Secondly, sometimes, when my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.” I don’t quite get there. The reasons vary time to time. But the point is, I say “I am coming”, get side-tracked by life and miss out on a life changing encounter doing the mundane things. There is a place for playing my role, but there needs to be a space that I commune with the Lord especially when He calls.

encounter

In the evening, during my devotion time with Ksena, we read about the story of God calling Samuel. In fact, when she chose this story I smiled to myself, knowing that God was trying to tell me something.

There are several times that God has called me in my sleep but I’ve continued to sleep. My response should be like that of Samuel.

1 Samuel Chapter 3

10 And the Lord came and called as before, “Samuel! Samuel!”

And Samuel replied, “Speak, your servant is listening.”

When the Lord calls me, I have resolved within myself to respond, “Lord, I am coming” and actually get there. Yesterday, I actually got there, and I’m glad. There is nothing like the presence of the Lord. When we seek His face, He is there in that place.

Has the Lord been calling you? Are you still on your way? Rush to Him today and hear what He has to say. It’s guaranteed, you will not leave His presence the same.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

Even So, My Faith Will Not Falter

Faith must always pass the test of discouragement. ~ T.D Jakes

Discouragement is a test. It’s easy to be encouraged until you meet a bump in the road.I constantly pass through these tests of discouragement. I am learning that my faith cannot be emotional. It has to be a decision that I make daily regardless of the circumstances at hand.

It is nice to feel excited and pumped up about life and where God is taking you, but sometimes the bumps in the road can slow you down and make you wonder if you will ever get there.

The truth is that the devil is not idle, he comes to steal, kill and destroy.

1 Peter 5

Yesterday, I found my faith being tested and noticed my mood begin to change. A few minutes in to the dip, I said to myself and to the devil that ”Even so, my faith will not falter.” Once I made the declaration and begun to repeat over and over again, my mood lifted, the truth of God, encouraged my soul.

Daily, I choose to stand firm in the faith and believe that God is faithful, because He is. Regardless, of what I see, feel or imagine.  He is God.

Regardless of how things look, rise up and say that your faith will not falter. Our God is not a man that He should lie.

Have a blessed weekend.

Bibi2be