While I’m Waiting

“It is not like we are waiting on someone who doesn’t have a track record of perfection. God’s resume is good enough for us to wait on Him.” Travis Greene

This is a summary of what I have been telling my heart the last couple of days. There are seasons in life that God makes you wait, as you wait it is easy to get discouraged and wonder if God has moved.

Over the weekend, after trying to meet twice during the week and not being able to, I had a beautiful meeting with a friend. We’d not talked in length for months and it was nice to catch up over a cup of tea. I don’t take for granted the preservation of the Lord, tomorrow is not a guarantee, yet the Lord kept us long enough to share of His goodness. She shared with me how the Lord had moved in her life, as I sat on her couch my spirit leaped within me. Her testimony ignited something in me, I kept thinking to myself “That is my God! The one who moves mountains and causes walls to fall.”

Mid conversation tears rolled down my cheeks, they were a cocktail of emotions- hope, relief, and awe. She shared with me how the Lord had moved in her life, in a way that we agreed that it could only be God. Only He has a track record of doing the impossible, of moving mountains, of parting seas. It was such personal proof that God is still work in this day and age. My heart leaped within me as I was sunken on the couch, the weight of my thoughts and anxieties could not hold it down, a fire, a hope had been ignited in me. I kept thinking to myself “That is my God! The one who moves mountains and causes walls to fall.”

I’ve been reading Chronicles and Jeremiah and God is a force to reckon with, He is God, not a man that He should lie or walk in confusion. As I read it this time, the scenes played in my mind, and I kept telling myself, “Look at God!” and as I sat there, I saw the handprint of God.

My prayer has been Habbakuk 3:2 (NLT)

I have heard all about you, LORD. I am filled with awe by your amazing works. In this time of our deep need, help us again as you did in years gone by. And in your anger, remember your mercy.

God is all powerful, there is nothing too difficult for Him! I believe and I will trust in Him. I still believe what my eyes can’t see.

This song by Travis and Chandler is on repeat, it is such an encouragement to me to keep waiting on the Lord and to trust in Him.

I know that I am not the only one whose faith falters. It is nice to read of the works of the Lord in the Bible, but sometimes you want someone to tell you what God has done for them in 2017. I would like to use this platform to encourage others, if you have a testimony that you would like to share with others, please send me an email via bibi2bee@gmail.com and I will publish it for the glory of His name.

For you who is waiting, I pray that this will be your testimony as you wait.

While I’m waiting I’m getting stronger
My faith is rising, and I will run on
While I’m waiting I’m lifting up on wings as eagles
I believe, I will trust in You

 

 

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Choked

The lump in my throat felt like it had been chained to my molars, it didn’t budge no matter how hard I swallowed, the waves of water I drunk washed it but didn’t push it. It was stuck, and for once I was forced to confront it, see it for what it really was.

Earlier that day, I woke up to pray and I whispered a series of simple prayers, they weren’t seemingly ‘powerful’ command-the-morning, devil-you-are-defeated kind of prayers, though yes the devil is defeated. They were simple heartfelt whispered pleas said from a guarded but expectant heart.

“Babe, what happened to you?” hubs asked as we had our breakfast. “What do you mean?” I asked as I took a sip of my Moringa Hibiscus tea, “You used to pray a lot…you know you will stand and give an account for yourself as an individual,” immediately I heard these words the piece of sweet potato in my throat became harder, I felt like I was eating a sweet fibrous boulder.

“I am trying to get back there. I’ve been praying shorter prayers, but I am still at it.” I responded but the question lingered with me. As I went about my day, I sought the answer within, and I stopped when I realized what had really happened. I had been choked, to the point that I found myself gasping for air, sometimes my faith was even turning blue. It wasn’t because God or His word had changed, but I had shifted my focus. The worries of this world (that is soon passing away) had choked my desire, drive and resolve to pray passionately.

Motherhood has taught me that it is not only bad things that can choke you, even water and breast milk can choke a child, these are liquids that are meant to refresh. In the same way, the things that choke my faith are not necessarily bad things, in fact, some of them are the roles that I play as a mum and a wife, but that shouldn’t be an excuse. If anything it should be a reminder to always be sensitive enough to know when the balance shifts, to know when the water goes down the wrong pipe, to recognize the coughing spasms in my faith, the difficulty praying, and to ask for help.

Here’s to eating life with a big spoon, praying and not choking.

Existence

If I got ten shillings for every question I answered in the last week I’d probably have more than one thousand shillings. A few months ago, Ksena started asking questions about everything and it was cute. Of late, she has been asking deep and heavy questions as she tries to make sense of the world around her. Sometimes the questions catch me by surprise.

Last week as I cleared the dinner dishes she asked me,” Mama, who made us?” my sleepy brain was not prepared for such a question. I knew that the answer was simple, but there would be questions to follow that I would have to answer.

“God,” I answered as I put away the sponge and wiped my hands and anticipated the next question.

“How did He make us?” she asked as she sat on a stool to listen to my answer. I silently prayed for the Holy Spirit to give me the wisdom to speak to her in a way that she would understand as I stooped down to her level.

“God knit us in our mummy’s tummies, remember when Ky was in Mama’s tummy? God was knitting her and helping her grow in there until she was ready to be born. She started like a small seed and God helped her grow.”

“Why did He make us?” she asked with furrowed brows.

“For His glory, so that we could reflect His image on earth and have fellowship with Him,” I said as I was grateful that we had taught her The Grace, so she understood what the word fellowship was.

“Okay Mama, let’s go to bed,” she replied as walked towards her room. I switched off the lights and followed her smiling, happy that she was questioning and seeking to understand.

I wondered where the questions had come from, then I remembered my prayer. Every day when I pray for Ksena and Kyria I ask God to give them a hunger for Himself, and to teach them and that they will know great peace. Here I was seeing how God was answering my prayer and I marveled at who He is.

The following morning I read this verse during my quiet time:

1 Corinthians 8:6 Amplified Bible (AMP)

yet for us there is but one God, the Father, [a]who is the source of all things, and we exist for Him; and one Lord, Jesus Christ, by whom are all things [that have been created], and we [believers exist and have life and have been redeemed] through Him.

It tugged on my heart and I began to memorize it so that I will always remember FOR whom and THROUGH whom I exist. It summarizes purpose.

In 2015, I run a series called 30 Days of Depth, where I posted every day in the month of September. This year I am back at it and pretty excited to share here every day. All that I do and all that I am is for God, it is Jesus Christ who enables me to do it For His glory.

Happy new month! I pray that you will encounter God in a new way this month.

 

 

 

 

Kaleidoscope

I fought the flutter of butterflies in my tummy as I stared at my computer screen. I shuffled between various tabs, and slowly filled in my registration form. I was anxious, scared and unsure of what having an online writing home looked like. I had tried to bury the desire to write for too long, this resulted in many half-filled forms suffocating in the closed the tabs.

“What is the worst that could happen?” my friend asked. Silence filled the room as I did the binary equation in my head. “Nothing,” I responded in a whisper and resolved to register my blog that very evening. And I did. I had a blank slate, an empty house, a shoe that I wasn’t sure that I fit in to, but there I was ready to walk into the unknown.

The desire to share my story overpowered the fear. It’s been six years since I started this blog. It has changed, I have changed, we’ve both grown. It’s been a beautiful journey. Initially, I wanted to share more about my wedding preparation experience, but I got caught up in life. Then it changed to sharing my reflections and random stories, and I have enjoyed that. I have discovered other interests such as teaching and writing for children. What was just a blog, is now a center piece of my calling to create content.

The greatest teachers I have encountered are my family. My husband’s resounding reminder to obey God has now become a part of who I am. I write now because I know it is what I was born to do. My heart beats, Ksena and Kyria have been an inspiration. As I train them up in the ways of the Lord, I am reminded that I have to walk the talk. Teach them to pour themselves out, so that they will return to their maker empty, having been obedient. As I stress (because that is what repeating myself to two-year-old feels like) the importance of obedience, I feel the Spirit nudge me and ask me, ‘Will you obey? Will you go where I  send you? Will you do what I ask of you?”

Two weeks ago, I caught Ksena sitting close to the edge of a bed from the corner of my eye as I tried to change Ky’s diaper, Ky is always on the move, unless she is sleeping. I told Ksena to watch out, her and hubs responded in unison that he was supporting her. The confidence with which she told me that ‘daddy’s got my back’ took me a back. It was a conviction. It got me thinking about my conviction regarding God’s position in my life. Do I know, like Chris Tomlin does, who goes before and stands beside me? Am I convinced that the Lord of angel armies is always by my side?

In February last year, I had a desire to start a new blog and create content about Endometriosis in Kenya. That is how Bibi2be’s sister blog Yellow Endo Flower was born.

It’s been an adventure, I feel more at home in my writing, but I know that this is just the beginning. I have seen the fruits of obedience, seen the Lord work through this written work, and enjoyed the peace that comes from having a clear conscience.

Six years later, I find myself at the same place, with a desire to start something new. Rather, with a call to obey, and go forth and create content. This time I am less inhibited by fear, I am conscious of the beauty of obedience. The impact a ‘YES’ can have. This time, the kaleidoscope of butterflies within has been quietened by the desire to obey.

As I have written this, I have started a YouTube channel, it’s been a long time coming. I welcome you to join me on my journey of obedience and faith. Here’s to living the life that I was created for. Here’s to dying empty, for the glory of the King.

Link to the first video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCQOngXT4WM&feature=youtu.be

Safe In His Arms

It’s not by chance that mama bear’s porridge was too cold when Goldilocks tasted it. One thing that I’ve had to learn since I became a mum is the art of eating cool (read: cold) food. It really is an art. For a long time, I preferred my food hot, now I focus on the end goal which is to be full. Hot or cold, I’ma eat it.

The truth is, I wouldn’t trade my lukewarm, mostly cold food for anything. The territory has come with many more blessings and I’m just in awe of the Lord’s sustenance. He has been faithful. I look back at the last couple of months and I can’t help but say ‘ Praise the Lord!’.

psalm 68-19

This verse is a perfect summary of the song in my heart. Sometimes I look back and wonder how I am still standing but the truth is that I have been carried. Like a child in her mother’s arms, I have been embraced, encouraged, cherished, cuddled, protected and nourished. Praise the Lord!

I’d like to share something my husband shared, that has been replaying in my heart.

K SQUAD CHRONICLES (HIS FAITHFULNESS) This week was my thirty something birthday, 5th marriage anniversary, and a few months short of our 5th year in Mombasa. Its a busy season of life (wife, kids, ministry, work and new projects etc) so I didn’t get to reflect about it until Friday evening. As I reflected on the journey, through the ups and downs,the stretching seasons (they seem many:-) ). I realized one thing is constant: GOD’S FAITHFULNESS. In our home we have a saying “keep the main thing, the MAIN THING!” Basically don’t lose focus on your main goal/goals or be distracted by the nuisances of life. My prayer is that I will heed the call and “Keep the main thing, the main thing! “For I know, LORD, that our lives are not our own. We are not able to plan our own course.”(Jeremiah 10:23)

P.S Whatever you have been procrastinating about, waiting on the right conditions to start or do, heed the call, jump in, for we are but a breath, here today gone tomorrow. (Psalm 144:4)


Man is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow.

The truth is that I have so many dreams that I have been putting on hold, but tomorrow is not assured.

My prayer is that the Lord will teach me how to number my days. That I will walk in (prompt) obedience and let the Lord glorify Himself in my life.

If you would like me to stand with you in prayer, please send me an email via bibi2bee@gmail.com.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

Keeping Journals For My Daughters

I have a box full of journals that I’ve written over the years. Each of them is a treasure of emotions and a testimony of how far God has carried me. I started writing at about 8 years old. Then, I didn’t think it would be something that I’d carry with me for the rest of the life, but writing was my outlet.

There are seasons where I have been very consistent with writing, and others where I have taken so long to complete a journal. But deep within, I’ve known that writing is good for me. I process life through writing. Sometimes I look back and I’m amazed at the depth in the journal entries.

journal

When I was pregnant, I had an idea to keep a journal for my girls. After Ky was born, I bought them journals that I felt reflected their personalities and started writing late last year.

This has turned out to be one of my favorite pastimes, I actually look forward to spend time writing when they are asleep. It warms my heart.

This verse is what nudged me to keep journals for my girls.

psalm 145-4

I realized that it is very easy to forget to share the good things that God has done. But there is something powerful about sharing testimonies. They ignite a flame in the faith of the hearer. They point them back to God.

It has been such an amazing experience. I have enjoyed writing little prayers, testimonies of the Lord’s doing, our memories, words of wisdom, and funny moments. I want to incorporate little drawings.

My prayer is that they will glean wisdom, laugh at the precious memories, but over all, stand in awe of God. He is faithful. I want them to know it for themselves, and see His footsteps through their lives and His finger prints on their hearts.

Would you like to start keeping a journal for your children? All you need is a journal, pen and a heart to write. The stories will flow, the testimonies will be shared and their faith will be strengthened in the Lord.

Blessings,

Bibi2Be

Broken Telephone: Shattered Screens and Realized Dreams

Tuesday 27th September 2016

The following events take place between 3:26am and 6:26am

3:26am

I wake up to check the monitor and realize that I need to adjust something in Miss K’s room. As I get up, I notice that my phone is low on charge, and decide to charge it on the other side of the room. As I bend and look for the cable, the phone falls, lands on the floor screen first and the screen shatters.

I say to myself, “What a start to a day!” Wait? Does 3:27am even count as a start to my day? It’s more like an intermission. I was planning on running back to bed and sleeping. I start to wonder if I really needed to charge my phone at that time. Thoughts of regret course through my mind. I’ve been here before, not so long ago actually. It was such a long process to get a new screen the last time, due to unavailability of screens in Mombasa. In Nairobi, it was only one guy who had it. I found him after weeks of searching. Sigh.

3:40am

I have thought about it long enough and the conclusion is the same; what’s done is done. So I pick up my bible and prayer books and head to the sitting room. After all, hubby usually says that if you wake up at 3am, it’s time to pray.

3:45am

It is such an inconvenient time for my phone to break. Yes, I’m still on this vibe, now I’ve just decided to tell God how disappointed I am. But there is only so much crying over spilt milk one can do, so I let that be and start to read God’s word. I start with 2nd Thessalonians and finish with 1st Thessalonians. In the process, my heart is left encouraged. Nowhere does it mention broken screens 🙂 but I know that there is more to life than the comfort of intact screens.

4:30am

I might as well write now that I am fully awake. I have been meaning to put together a work book that will help me teach Ksena shapes, letters, numbers, sizes, and God’s truth as we craft and sing. So I start writing, rather, I start drawing and it begins to flow.

By now, I am no longer sleepy. Though I know this sleep will catch up with me later in the day. At least I will have something to show for it.

I pour myself a cup of tea and continue writing. The satisfaction and joy builds in my heart with every sip I take and every letter I type.

6:00am

The book is almost done and I realize WOW!!! I love to teach this little girl and I would love to teach other children God’s truth. My desire to have a bible study here in Mombasa has not quite taken off, but this book can help other mums teach their children and have fun while at it.

6:10am

I should try get an hour of sleep, but first, I decide to write this blog post to be published later.

My heart is full. This workbook is one of my writing and teaching dreams on paper. It will help me to be intentional about teaching Ksena. Also, I love the fact that it integrates God’s truth with the basic things of life. It’s simple and fun. It’s intentional. This book has four lessons, you can spread each lesson over a week, so it should last you a month. Book 2 is already running through my mind.

I want to upload it on this blog so that people can download it. I am not quite sure how to do that just yet, but I am sure I will find a way. If you’d like to help out in this little project, please send me an email via ess@bibi2be.com .

If you would like to receive this book via email when I’m done with it this week, please send me an email via ess@bibi2be.com and I will send you a copy.

Would I have woken up to write without my screen breaking? Let’s just say that sometimes God gets our attention loud and clear. I’ve been playing broken telephone for a long time, regarding this and other projects. Looks like this time the phone actually broke.

Here’s to keeping screens intact longer, heeding the Lord’s call and executing the dream.

6:26am

I finally sprint to bed for that extra hour of sleep. A bitter sweet start to the day, but I’m definitely dwelling on the sweet part.

Have a blessed day,

Bibi2be