Hello Fear! Goodbye Fear!!

I’m so fed up of being afraid!

I’m yet to see good fruit that fear has borne.

April 2011 is when I started listening to this song on repeat.

A few days after my dad passed away I was gripped by fear. I was afraid of the dark, because every time I lay my head down I saw his corpse. I was afraid of dreaming, because I didn’t know how my dreams would be without him. I was afraid of the grande and mundane. So when Kirk wrote this song, it was for people like me. Those who are prisoners, trapped and disabled by fear. Alive but afraid.

Fear has become a norm in society. Even the ‘safe’ cartoons have episodes where they teach children to be afraid. Last week, hubby had to put off the t.v because every episode was an ‘introduction to fear’ class. Fear has become normal, many social platforms that I read from have normalized fear, honestly, after reading some comments, it’s possible to question if you really want to walk into a certain season. For example childbirth and raising children: subconsciously I found I’m afraid of labour, delivery, colic, tantrums. The truth is I’m afraid even though I have not experienced these things; when the time comes for me to go through them, my experience will be void of the joy and wonder.

It’s good to be informed but not bombarded with fear.

We are a society devoid of truth. We’ve accepted the fear and lies as our truth. So we have many people walking bent in to two because they are carrying burdens and expectations that are:

a) not real

b) not theirs to carry

They are paralyzed by fear.

Fear and anxiety have been cruising through my heart for weeks, today, I woke up tired. It’s been coming for the last couple of days, but today! Nah, today was IT. So earlier this morning, I sat down and wrote a list of the things that make me anxious and afraid. And I prayed over the list. Asking God to show me His truth and give me His peace that it may guard my heart and mind in Him.

phil4-6-7

I want truth. Truth above all else! I want to experience His fullness and grace. I want to enjoy the rest in good pastures (Psalm 23) and enjoy the pleasant land and wonderful inheritance that He has given me (Psalm 16).

For today and the days to come, I refuse to be a slave anymore, to carry burdens that aren’t mine to carry. I choose freedom. I choose truth. Truth above all else.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

Advertisements

The Bubbles Of Life

“MAMA, blow bubbles”

“Pleeaassseee”

I hear these two sentences in that order, every other day. Ksena loves bubbles. And playing. And bubbles. Blowing them, bursting them, seeing them.

ddd5395b0a1a3b416afdfd470d938686

She spots opportunities all around her to have fun. The most mundane thing can be a toy. Discovery through play is her forte. She knows how to live in the moment. 

She remembers things she did and saw over 5 months ago. If it made her happy, she will tell you about it for days on end. It is so precious how she remembers the little details that are often forgotten.

The other day, I realized that she doesn’t repeat things that made her sad. This doesn’t mean she doesn’t get sad or hurt. Once the grievance is sorted out, it is forgotten. At a tender age she has understood forgive and forget. Love keeps no record of wrongs.

love keeps no record of wrongs

I was so challenged. Questions flew through my mind: do I forgive easily? Do I forgive but hold a grudge? Do I carry a record of wrongs in my heart? Do these things stop me from enjoying the bubbles of life?

I know that she is still young, but the joy in her heart is breathtaking. I can only pray that she will always choose to travel light; that she will forgive easily, keep no record of wrongs and enjoy the simple pleasures in life; bubbles.

Oh my heart, I pray that you will learn from this little one.  Forgive easily, keep no record of wrongs, and enjoy the bubbles of life.

Does your mind re-play happy memories? Are the situations where you’ve been wronged on loop in your mind? Do you struggle to enjoy the bubbles in life?

f16016badf7253af4a20dec829ddb1f1

Oh I pray that you too will experience the freedom that comes from traveling light and enjoying the bubbles of life.

Have a blessed week.

Bibi2be

It No Longer Holds Power Over Me

‘It no longer holds power over me!!’

I have longed to say these words out loud and actually mean them from bottom of my heart for such a long time.

Five years ago, I was crippled by fear and the voices in my head paralyzed me. As the days have gone by, I have realized that what I perceived as my reality was a very skewed version of the truth.

The Perfect Light

pingu 2

I was watching Pingu with Ksena two night ago, it’s a favorite in our household. It has many life lessons.

In this episode, Pingu and his sibling were scared of a shadow. What it looked like and what it was in real life were world’s apart. However, the fear, anxiety and confusion were very real and tangible. They were terrified, they couldn’t sleep, their peace was gone.

When insufficient light hits an object it skews how it appears in real life.

When God’s perfect light fails to hit a life experience it skews how it appears. As I have processed death, depression, suicide and grief on inadequate light for years, I have picked up baggage that was never mine to deal with. I have been paralyzed by fear and crippled by shame and guilt. Feeling like I was responsible for his decision, yet I wasn’t. I have literally fed myself self defeating lies that have robbed me of the experience of fullness of life. For too long, the story of depression and suicide held power over me. But, as I begun to ask God to show me His truth, reveal His version, I have found freedom. Freedom to be all that God created me to be. Freedom to love and laugh, freedom to dream and forgive myself. Freedom to speak up and encourage others who have been crippled and paralyzed by fear.

I have found my feet again. I can confidently say that IT NO LONGER HOLDS POWER OVER ME. Hallelujah !!!! 🙂

My prayer is that you will see everything that has terrified you in the dark in the perfect light of Christ. That the things that have held you captive for weeks, will be revealed to you from God’s perspective of truth. That you may experience freedom and life in abundance. In Jesus name we pray and believe, Amen.

Blessings,

Bibi2be