Lessons From The Pit

Life is a teacher.

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This phrase came up in a conversation I had with a friend yesterday. It was so timely. It summarised exactly where I was at.

A little background, after I had Miss K, I was a walking train wreck. Things did not go according to plan, my dream of a vaginal birth ended up in ‘ I’m sorry Esther, you are still at 6 cms (8 hours later). It is Cervical Dystocia. We have to have an emergency cesarean section’. I crumbled. This. Was. Not. The. Plan. I cried ( if you’ve been reading my posts for a while, you can tell that my eyes are cleansed often 😉 I was scared. Disappointed. Ready for the pain to end immediately. Because those contractions had me calling Jesus in every language I knew.

The after was difficult. She was jaundiced. She HATED phototherapy. The little incubator was called ‘Hawaii’. You go in clad in a diaper only and get a tan. Her cries woke up the other babies in the nursery. It was bad. Miss K dislikes the heat, imagine Hawaii in Mombasa. I think there were two days she spent more time out of Hawaii than in it. This mama was tired. The cries were ruining my ‘honeymoon’ phase. I couldn’t even stare into her eyes because they were bandaged. Let’s not even get into the squint that formed because the patches were letting in light ( story for another post).

I was not ready for the after. So I stopped. I stopped doing the things that I loved.

Then we discovered that she was a high need baby. Guys (she uses this word a lot now) THIS. WAS. HARD!! Wondering what a high need baby is? Check this out.

I sunk into a pit. I remember one day my husband found me wailing on the bed. I could barely speak. My world seemed grim. I was physically exhausted, mentally and spiritually drained. I had stopped living. I was merely existing. This experience of bringing forth life was draining me of life. I was dying; dead on the inside. And I didn’t know how to get out of the pit of darkness. I struggled for months on end. I had stopped writing. Stopped doing the things that made me feel alive.

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I don’t know what the days to come hold, but I know who holds me.

I’m not afraid to ask for help. If you see me slowly dashing in the supermarket (in my mind I’ll be moving at super speed, my legs may be moving much slower) know that it’s just me being proactive.

Staying indoors depresses me. So I will go out, look at the ocean. Enjoy some sunshine with the girls. I will write. I will live. By God’s grace, I will stay out of the pit. Even if it tries to draw me back, I know that God is able. It’s so easy to slip into the pit but so difficult to get out. The longer you stay inside, the deeper you sink. Only the hand of the Almighty can raise you out.

Postpartum depression is real. God’s love, grace and mercy are real too.

Here’s to applying the lessons learned in the pit. And trusting that the God who rescued us, is able to sustain us.

Say hello to Mr. Octopus, my crafting with Miss K of the day. My little reminder that I am still alive.

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For any mama going through the pit, I pray that the Lord will rescue you. May He be the fourth man, as He was with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

 

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Learning To Be Content

For a long time, I wrongly believed that contentment was something that came a ‘certain’ territory or season. So I lived in the future. I was too engrossed in what should and could happen to enjoy what was actually happening. When some of my ‘dreams’ came to pass, I realized that I would be content for a short time, then the wave of discontentment would hit and I would be back to dreaming.

ENJOY THE RIDE

It was a sad time. I was looking for contentment in the wrong place, where times change and people and opportunities come and go.

What I have realized since then is that, contentment is a learned behavior. It is not automatic. It takes a constant renewal of the mind and daily acknowledgement of the fact that it is God who assigns you your portion and your cup and regardless of the situation, your boundary lines have fallen in pleasant places [Psalm 16]. There is more to the  portion and the cup than material possessions.

Contentment does not come with a certain territory or season. It is something, a way of thinking and living, that you choose to carry with you in every season.

So here I am, constantly choosing to be content. It’s not about entitlement or comparison, it’s about my journey. I’m taking each day at a time because even two are too many. I am living in the present, thanking God for His faithfulness and letting Him carry me through every season. Daily I am choosing to believe that He holds my world in His hands, that His plans are best, that He will never leave me nor forsake me, that He is working all things out for my good and that He is CONSTANT.

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Have you been thinking that a certain person, institution or situation can truly satisfy you? Do you find yourself constantly thinking that the future will truly satisfy you?

Put your hope in God. Allow Him to satisfy you. Look at life through His lens and allow Him to guide you.

I HAVE A PLAN

Doing the above does not exempt you from hard times, but at least, you are assured that He is with you in all things and He is for You. The darkness will not consume you, hard times will come to an end. You will rise. Even in the valley of the shadow of death, you shall fear no evil for He is right there by your side. His rod and His staff will protect and comfort you; and surely goodness and mercy will follow you all of the days of your life {Psalm 23}.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

 

 

 

Never Lose Your Sense Of Wonder

One of the humbling things about motherhood is getting to see the world from a fresh perspective; through a babies eyes. It is possible to think that you know it all, because you have been alive much longer, but, a baby’s perspective has a way of shedding new light on the simple mundane things.

Miss K wants to take in every moment, savor it and then draw a conclusion. She is constantly awed by new things, she points up and says ‘this’ or ‘that’. Some new things are scary, like her father’s motorbike, and some are extremely exciting like the bouncing castle she played on this past weekend.

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She enjoys the feeling of the sand on her little toes; watching Palm tree branches sway to the tempo of the breeze; watching the waves ebb and flow; playing with the shadows caused by sun in the afternoon.

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Social media and gadgets have not stolen her sense of wonder from the present moment.

Do you often get cross eyed from catching up with your news feed that you fail to notice the beautiful music playing in the background?

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The magic and miracles lie in the simple moments. Have you been feeling like God isn’t moving? Like the miracles, signs and wonders are a thing of the past? Have you gotten so used God’s blessings that you don’t even recognize them as things to be thankful for anymore?

Selah!

Pause and enjoy the moment, savor the tastes , enjoy the sounds, colors and textures.

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Above all, stand in awe of the One who made it all. He is the one who deserves all the glory and the praise.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

Are You Satisfied Or Just Pacified? : Day 18

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I absolutely love this quote.

There is indeed a God-shaped void in every person. The truth is that only God can satisfactorily fill it. Efforts to fill it with other things will eventually prove futile. They may seem to fit, by filling parts of it, and making you fill less empty, but, they cannot do what God can do.

This is a pearl of wisdom that I have to keep reminding myself. Happiness is elusive, it comes and goes. When all is said and done, God remains. Contentment and satisfaction are found in Him. He is truly ALL THAT I NEED.

One of my favourite verses is:

Psalm 16:2 NIV

I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
    apart from you I have no good thing.”

The truth is that only God can satisfy that God shaped void within my heart. He is the source of all good things. I can never have too much of Him. He is more than enough for me. In order to find Him, I must search for Him wholeheartedly.

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Have you been pacified by the things of this world?

Are you really satisfied and content?

What is the real desire of your heart?

The prayer of the day:

Dear God,

Thank you for this timely reminder. Indeed, you knit me in my mother’s womb for Your purposes and glory. Many are the times that I have gotten sidetracked and pacified by the things of this world. I have cheated myself that I am whole, yet the God shaped void within is still longing to be filled.

Only you can satisfy me. Help me to search for you with all that I am. Teach me and speak to me. Draw me closer than I have ever been. Reveal Yourself to me that all these other things may fade in your presence. 

I long for you. My heart beats for You. Satisfy me Lord. Satisfy me.

In Jesus name I pray and believe,

Amen

The Song of the day:

May we be weaned off the pacifiers of this world and allow Him to satisfy us.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

The Quest For Contentment

Happy New Month 🙂

What do you define contentment as?

As individuals we all have a different definition of contentment. For a long time, I used to think that I would be content when a certain thing happened. After it happened I would have a greater goal to accomplish. In my folly, I even thought that achieving contentment was a good yardstick to use to measure God’s love for me. I said in my folly 🙂 . Yet I knew and I still know that the statement of His love for me was displayed at Calvary long before I was born. It’s rather sad how my desires made that fact seem a little hazy.

One day as I was going on and on about what would make me really content, my husband turned to me and told me that ‘I need to learn to be content in every circumstance. If I let my contentment be defined by events or achievements the source of my contentment will keep changing.’

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That really left me with a lot of food for thought. I realized I didn’t know how to be content regardless of my circumstances and I had to ask God to teach me what contentment is all about because I was clearly chasing after shifting shadows.

The Secret of Contentment

Psalm 26:3 (NIV)

for I have always been mindful of your unfailing love and have lived in reliance on your faithfulness.

There is a safety in knowing that God’s love NEVER FAIL and NEVER GIVES UP ON YOU.

The secret to contentment is living in reliance on His faithfulness.

Otherwise, contentment will always morph into something else having a boyfriend/girlfriend; eventually getting married; getting a car; then getting a bigger car; owning a home and land; buying designer clothes, shoes, perfumes; having a child; and having grandchildren.

At one point you think you are satisfied but after a couple of days, you realize that you desire more.

The truth is that ONLY God can satisfy us.

Psalm 90:14 (NIV)

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be  glad all our days.

Material possessions bring LIMITED joy. The things may luster for a couple of days, weeks, months and even years then a new craving strikes.

His unfailing love brings lasting satisfaction.

Being content does not translate to getting comfortable and becoming lazy. You still work hard and achieve your goals. Being content means that circumstances do not define your happiness.  It means that you are confident in God’s unfailing love regardless of how things are panning out. It may be easier said than done, but it is such a liberating way to live. Ask Paul.

Philippians 4:11b – 13 (NIV)

for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Paul really understood contentment. His searched for it and found it. Even as life threw several curve balls is way he still remained content.

originalIf our contentment is defined by our circumstances then life will seem like a very difficult obstacle course.

Happiness comes from contentment; contentment comes from knowing God and trusting His unfailing love.

May we walk in contentment.

Blessings,

Bibi2Be