Running on E

My morning began with a choir of tears.

I knew we were off to a difficult start. Before I had children, I used to be a morning person. Now, I  wake up before my alarm bings because I am an often-tired person, who has a long list of things to do. To be honest, I doubt I was really a morning person, I think that the Endometriosis induced fatigue was less in the morning.

Motherhood is a lifetime job. It is multi-faceted so the brief keeps changing. Perhaps, change is one of the constants. Some tricks grow old, you grow old, and your children. well, they grow older too.

It is a cocktail of laughs from the depth of your belly, and tears from the bottom of your heart. Some days are good, some days are heart-wrenching.  From time to time you countdown to bedtime, not because you hate your children, but because they have been EXTRA the whole day and you want to catch a break. On the unfortunate days, your emotions, and internal conflicts get in the way, and you are harsher than you should have been. You are not as patient as you say Jesus wants us to be. Some days you fail, and as you watch your little one’s tummy rise and fall as they sleep, you beat yourself up. You wallow in regret and helplessness.

I have many days that I wake up feeling as if I’m running on a deficiency. As though my fuel is at E. Many days where I cry to Jesus for forgiveness, and almost beg for strength because I feel spent. Days where nothing feels like it is enough.

A few days ago, in the most unlikely place, and almost in passing, the Lord reminded me that unless I look to Him and rely on Him I will feel disadvantaged. I will feel that I am not enough. I will fall short even before I stand tall.

The bolts of your gates will be iron and bronze, and your strength will equal your days. Deuteronomy 33:25

My strength shall equal my days. God, who pre-destined me, who knows all of the days that I have lived and those to come, has already apportioned me the adequate strength to face each day.

After this revelation, I started saying this prayer in the morning:

Dear Lord, I do not know what the day holds, but I know it is You holds it. I know that you have given me the adequate strength to face this day, therefore I will go forth with boldness and peace.

For this mama, who is sometimes weary, my heart is encouraged when I know that my strength will equal my days.



Now I Can Confirm That It Gets Better

I used to dislike Mondays, to the extent that I’d make no plans. Monday was set aside to recover from the weekend. I’d warm up into the day, and be on airplane mode during the day, awake but unable to do some things.

My girls on the other hand, did not get the Monday memo, so they’d wake up raring to go into the new week. In retrospect, my energy or lack thereof must’ve been such a wet blanket. For instance today, Miss K is painting some shells that we picked up last week, then we’ll use them to make a shaker, then we’ll make some music and sing with her teddies. Perfect plan, if you asked me.

The last couple of days I have just been in awe of God. I’ve been in a good space, a few weeks ago, it was a very different narrative. I was in a dark hole; the mummy hole. As I’ve done different things over the past weeks, I’ve seen God’s hand. There’s been a desire to work, energy to see it through, a genuine smile and a hearty laugh as I related with the girls.

Today, I’m looking forward to making some music with the girls as I teach them about Miriam. Mine will be a song of praise because the Lord has done it for me. This is my testimony:

psalm 59-16-17

I want to know this verse by heart, that I will declare it each and every day.

A few weeks ago, I wasn’t sure if, when, where or how it’d get better. But now I can confirm that it does. There’s no darkness so dark that His light can’t illuminate, no hole too deep that He can’t lift you out of, no bondage too strong that He can’t rescue you from. There is no situation that is too difficult for Him.

Have a blessed week, friends.






I dream with my eyes open

You never really know yourself until you live with someone. Then you get to see who you are when pushed to the wall and when you are embraced and praised. The best perk of them all, is that you get to hear and maybe see (depending on the other party) how you act after hours.

The latter has been true for me. For many years I suffered from Bruxism. I’d gnash my teeth for hours while asleep. I later found out it was a symptom of anxiety. A few months into this married life, I begun to feel safe and pray about it and the Lord delivered me. It didn’t irritate me much, but, hubs on the hand was a bit confused initially that I’d gnash my teeth and sleep through it all.


Over the years we’ve been married, I’ve heard all sorts of tales about what I do after hours. Most recently, I participated in the mannequin challenge without knowing. And, because hubs knows that I will deny it ever so vehemently, he records it for proof. I surprise myself every once in a while.

I generally go through seasons where I dream a lot. Currently, I’ve been too exhausted to dream as I normally do. I mean, the short naps barely leave time to feel rested, let alone be entertained by dreams. But once in a while I do dream, ever so vividly.

My body has somewhat adjusted to this night shift life. Somewhat, is the key word. I’ve figured that this shift allows me a lot of time to think. Think about life, in it’s vastness. It’s great to see how brainstorming with myself produces good results. I find solutions at this time.

Recently, I begun to dream. To see my life beyond burp cloths, diaper changes and craft sessions. This is a big deal!!! With Miss K, I was stuck in a hole. A hole so dark it consumed me. This time I can see the light!!! I can see new lights. New opportunities. I can dream new dreams. This time, I am inspired. Inspired to hope, love and to dream. To see beyond my horizon (the wall in front of me as I try to burp Ky).


I’m writing down my dreams and desires. Committing them to prayer and allowing myself to hear God speak.

Oh yes, I’m praying. It’s amazing how God speaks. I’m praying about everything and seeing God move in all things.

Joseph was labelled the dreamer, but His dreams came to pass. I’m holding on to my dreams and clinging to God’s perfect plan for me.

God’s not done with me!

I’m here being fully present in my current season, fully acknowledging that though it may be difficult sometimes, it is not a prison. I’m pursuing the King of Kings; and dreaming. Oh, I’m dreaming with my eyes open.



Even So, My Faith Will Not Falter

Faith must always pass the test of discouragement. ~ T.D Jakes

Discouragement is a test. It’s easy to be encouraged until you meet a bump in the road.I constantly pass through these tests of discouragement. I am learning that my faith cannot be emotional. It has to be a decision that I make daily regardless of the circumstances at hand.

It is nice to feel excited and pumped up about life and where God is taking you, but sometimes the bumps in the road can slow you down and make you wonder if you will ever get there.

The truth is that the devil is not idle, he comes to steal, kill and destroy.

1 Peter 5

Yesterday, I found my faith being tested and noticed my mood begin to change. A few minutes in to the dip, I said to myself and to the devil that ”Even so, my faith will not falter.” Once I made the declaration and begun to repeat over and over again, my mood lifted, the truth of God, encouraged my soul.

Daily, I choose to stand firm in the faith and believe that God is faithful, because He is. Regardless, of what I see, feel or imagine.  He is God.

Regardless of how things look, rise up and say that your faith will not falter. Our God is not a man that He should lie.

Have a blessed weekend.


Jesus Wore Shoes :) It’s A Life Changing Truth

Yesterday, I took Ksena horse riding. Well, those toy horses are the closest she’s been to a horse , a toy carousel doesn’t really count. Horses fascinate her. In fact one of her favourite nursery rhymes is ‘Horsey Horsey’. I’m not sure where to find real one here at the Coast.


After her bath, we read the Easter story. This particular book, had a picture of Jesus riding on a donkey on the first page. When she saw it,  she exclaimed that “Jesus is riding a horsey!!!” I explained that a donkey is a cousin of a horse and it brays, it makes the sound hee-haw (we need to keep the explanations simple. She is only 20 months old.)

When we turned to the next page, she saw Jesus feet adorned with sandals and she was so mesmerized. Even more excited, she exclaimed, “Mama, Jesus is wearing shoes!!” This went on for several minutes.


I was reminded that Jesus walked in our shoes and there is something about Him that we can relate to in each season of our lives. For Ksena, the fact that He wears shoes and rides a has communicated a deep truth to her. Jesus is her friend. He is not foreign, He is like her; but greater. This truth has sparked a hunger within her to know Jesus more, to identify more with Him, to be more like Him. Glory be to God.

I’m so humbled that Jesus wore shoes. That Ksena has been used to remind me the person of Jesus. Oh that I may seek Him for who He is. That I may continuously trust Him with my desires and plans.

I pray that the simple truths will draw you closer to Him. He is God. That you may have childlike faith in all seasons of your life.



Hey Mama! You Are Doing A Great Job!!

Happy new week 🙂

Time and time again, I have moments of doubt and exasperation. Motherhood is extremely rewarding but can also be draining and confusing for just a moment. This moment, however, sometimes feels like a lifetime, until you smile again.


As I had lunch with a group of friends last week, a friend of mine said to me, ”You are a great mum, Ess!” My soul almost leaped across the table and hugged her. Instead, I told her that God had sent her to tell me that.

A few hours before this conversation, I was in tears of frustration and exasperation. Wondering if I was doing an okay job. As I cried, I cried to the Lord and asked Him to strengthen me.

This verse has been  a constant in my life since I became a mommy.

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From that statement, I was encouraged. Reassured that the exhaustion and rough patch would come to pass. Even as I walked in the dark, I was still walking.


For the mama who is exhausted beyond words, sleep deprived, drained from the hospital visits, wondering if she is making a difference in her babies’ lives, take heart!! You are doing a good job. You are a great mama. Your reward is in heaven. Your source of strength is in heaven. Trade your sorrows for His joy, trade your heavy burden for His that is light, trade your yoke for His that is easy.

Allow God to fill you with Himself.

Have a lovely week. May the joy of the Lord be your strength.



By His Grace, For His Glory

AND..I’M…BACK!!!!!! (: (: (:

It is so good to write again, it feels like it’s been too long since I last posted. I’ve been in a wedding zone, two of my friends of mine got married in the last two weeks. It’s been interesting watching them journey to the aisle. It was quite nostalgic, plus, we celebrated our 4th anniversary last week 🙂 . It’s been a short long time. I remember the wedding day vividly, it’s amazing how much we’ve changed since. We’ve both grown as individuals and in our roles as well.


As I’ve reflected on marriage the last couple of weeks as I’ve engaged in different conversations about marriage, weddings and relationships, I’ve found this statement to be the best summary of our union.

‘By His Grace, for His glory!!!’

We are married in a time where the world doesn’t honor and respect the institution of marriage. Being happily married is honestly a miracle. By God’s grace we are. We’ve seen God carry us, sustain us, fulfill us and love on us. It is His Grace that has brought us this far, for His glory. There are many marriage practices and theories that people attribute to a happy marriage, but I can boldly say that without God you still remain void. It is He who holds us together [Colossians 1:17] By now you’ve figured that I absolutely love this verse. It is a lifeline for me.


Marriage works, with Jesus it does. We used to wonder out loud a few years ago that if marriage with God in it has its challenges, what about marriage without Him? Quite frankly, I am still not interested in finding out how it works without Him (: .

If you have given up hope on marriages in our generation, please be encouraged, a remnant of God’s grace remains, for His glory.

My heart has been so heavy for marriages the last couple of days, as I have been praying this song has been my prayer.

If your marriage is in a dark place that has discouraged you and made you doubt God, I pray that you will experience God’s divine peace. Oh that the Spirit of the Lord will break out and break down every wall down. Every wall that has boxed you in and held you captive. May revival come, His kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. There is nothing too difficult for God. No situation too dark or bleak for Him. He is God.

If you would like me to stand with you in prayer, please send me an email via and we’ll trust God together.