Don’t Dull Your Shine

I have had my laptop for well over five years. It has served me well. I enjoyed it’s performance in it’s infantile years. One of the perks that have come with age, is the speakers are not working. That sucks. Ksena thinks so too. Yesterday, she told me, ” Mama, your computer needs to become younger so that it can play sound.” I laughed about it. My two year old’s thought process tickles and fascinates me at the same time.

As I reflected, I realized that unlike my computer, I won’t be able to buy a younger version of myself. There are things that I won’t be able to do when I get older. The question is what am I doing with what I have now?

The truth is that is so easy to have an excuse, even two, not to do what you need to be doing. For a long time, I used this same computer as an excuse not to write. It was foolish. My thinking and perspective in life has since changed. It’s about the end picture. It’s easy to do nothing, but nothing can’t make a difference.

I still struggle in certain aspects but I want the Lord to reveal to me the mighty things that He can do with the staff in my hand. It all boils down to stewardship and a willingness to do what I was created to do.

My prayer is that my life will model to my girls to live their best lives now. To obey promptly and not to make excuses. There will always be a reason not to do it, in fact it may be like a raging fire in your heart compared to the candle flame of your conviction.

I’m currently listening to Todd Dulaney live from Trinidad.

He who called you is faithful. He called you to be the light of the world so don’t let the excuses dull your shine.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

Safe In His Arms

It’s not by chance that mama bear’s porridge was too cold when Goldilocks tasted it. One thing that I’ve had to learn since I became a mum is the art of eating cool (read: cold) food. It really is an art. For a long time, I preferred my food hot, now I focus on the end goal which is to be full. Hot or cold, I’ma eat it.

The truth is, I wouldn’t trade my lukewarm, mostly cold food for anything. The territory has come with many more blessings and I’m just in awe of the Lord’s sustenance. He has been faithful. I look back at the last couple of months and I can’t help but say ‘ Praise the Lord!’.

psalm 68-19

This verse is a perfect summary of the song in my heart. Sometimes I look back and wonder how I am still standing but the truth is that I have been carried. Like a child in her mother’s arms, I have been embraced, encouraged, cherished, cuddled, protected and nourished. Praise the Lord!

I’d like to share something my husband shared, that has been replaying in my heart.

K SQUAD CHRONICLES (HIS FAITHFULNESS) This week was my thirty something birthday, 5th marriage anniversary, and a few months short of our 5th year in Mombasa. Its a busy season of life (wife, kids, ministry, work and new projects etc) so I didn’t get to reflect about it until Friday evening. As I reflected on the journey, through the ups and downs,the stretching seasons (they seem many:-) ). I realized one thing is constant: GOD’S FAITHFULNESS. In our home we have a saying “keep the main thing, the MAIN THING!” Basically don’t lose focus on your main goal/goals or be distracted by the nuisances of life. My prayer is that I will heed the call and “Keep the main thing, the main thing! “For I know, LORD, that our lives are not our own. We are not able to plan our own course.”(Jeremiah 10:23)

P.S Whatever you have been procrastinating about, waiting on the right conditions to start or do, heed the call, jump in, for we are but a breath, here today gone tomorrow. (Psalm 144:4)


Man is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow.

The truth is that I have so many dreams that I have been putting on hold, but tomorrow is not assured.

My prayer is that the Lord will teach me how to number my days. That I will walk in (prompt) obedience and let the Lord glorify Himself in my life.

If you would like me to stand with you in prayer, please send me an email via bibi2bee@gmail.com.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

Keeping Journals For My Daughters

I have a box full of journals that I’ve written over the years. Each of them is a treasure of emotions and a testimony of how far God has carried me. I started writing at about 8 years old. Then, I didn’t think it would be something that I’d carry with me for the rest of the life, but writing was my outlet.

There are seasons where I have been very consistent with writing, and others where I have taken so long to complete a journal. But deep within, I’ve known that writing is good for me. I process life through writing. Sometimes I look back and I’m amazed at the depth in the journal entries.

journal

When I was pregnant, I had an idea to keep a journal for my girls. After Ky was born, I bought them journals that I felt reflected their personalities and started writing late last year.

This has turned out to be one of my favorite pastimes, I actually look forward to spend time writing when they are asleep. It warms my heart.

This verse is what nudged me to keep journals for my girls.

psalm 145-4

I realized that it is very easy to forget to share the good things that God has done. But there is something powerful about sharing testimonies. They ignite a flame in the faith of the hearer. They point them back to God.

It has been such an amazing experience. I have enjoyed writing little prayers, testimonies of the Lord’s doing, our memories, words of wisdom, and funny moments. I want to incorporate little drawings.

My prayer is that they will glean wisdom, laugh at the precious memories, but over all, stand in awe of God. He is faithful. I want them to know it for themselves, and see His footsteps through their lives and His finger prints on their hearts.

Would you like to start keeping a journal for your children? All you need is a journal, pen and a heart to write. The stories will flow, the testimonies will be shared and their faith will be strengthened in the Lord.

Blessings,

Bibi2Be

6 Years On: Grief, Life, Love

Oh my, time flies. It’s amazing how things change and some remain the same.

6 years ago, I didn’t know if I would ever be okay and not think about my dad every living moment. It sounds extreme, but I was heart broken. But time, and God,  they have a way of healing your heart. Over the years, the grief has changed. It has felt different and been different. During my last trip to the beach, I sat next to Ksena at the shore and the we played with the water. She enjoyed the little waves tickling her toes. When the waves got stronger she squealed with joy that the water was splashing on her back. Then out of nowhere, an innocent looking wave came, and it was bigger than we thought, but I yanked her up in time and we stared at the wave as it crashed.

Grief is like the ocean, sometimes your heart is calm, and then other times, when you least expect it, sorrow rocks up and is literally a wet blanket, and you have to leave. For some reason, the last couple of weeks, Ksena has been asking me about my dad. Both her grandpas went to be with the Lord, so she doesn’t quite understand the concept of grandpa. So we’ve had to talk about what happens when we die. I’m yet to find a simple way to explain the complexity that is death. Somewhere after one of our conversations, a wave, a mighty big wave hit me, and I felt a sadness and longing, and soon after a peace.

Life. Goes. On.

That’s what I wish I could tell myself 6 years ago. That the eyes that were filled with tears of sadness would one day be filled with tears of joy. My emotions have been confused. On one hand I’m remembering my dad 6 years on, and 8 days later, I am celebrating the milestone of Ky being 6 months old. They are both big things in my life that elicit a myriad of emotions.

But I read something a few days ago that really captured what my heart had been trying to articulate to my brain over and over.

no amount

Ain’t that the truth!

I use the term here achievement here loosely, because, I know that motherhood is not an achievement, it is stewardship, and I will be held accountable. My point is, being a mum fills my heart with joy but it doesn’t erase the pain, sadness of losing a parent. Each is a big deal, they both carry weight.

theres a time

The reality is that each day that passes we are closer to the grave. Tomorrow is not a guarantee. I don’t know much about the complexities of life, but I know this, that I don’t want to die with dreams and plans that I never executed. So I’m taking steps each day to ensure that I die empty, having done what the Lord placed me on earth to do.

Live-Full.-Die-Empty.-Success-Daily-Reminder-khairilsianipar

I am not alone! This is truth that I’ve had to remind myself over and over when in the depths of grief. Over the years I have realized that love is a doing word. It’s more than just an emotion or a phrase that is tossed around. It is an action. Love is present and not passive. God has been there.

I can attest to the fact that God’s love has carried me. My daily prayer is that I will understand His love, continually experience it and be made complete with the fullness of life and power that comes from Him.

Ephesians 3:18-19 New Living Translation (NLT)

18 And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. 19 May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

I”m currently listening to this song on replay. It’s my declaration.

6 years later, I say  Thank you Jesus for your love. Siyabonga. You know the depths of my heart, where it aches and longs, and I know that You are there. Right there in the stillness; and your peace and joy will replace the sadness that ebbs and flows.

He is the Father to the fatherless! My God. He is faithful. Forever.

Today I celebrate life! #DKM

Blessings,

Bibi2be

 

I Need You!

I never thought that I’d enjoy my own company, I was so used to being around people and having a community was a comfort zone. I highly suspect that I learned this from my mum, she’s had a good circle of friends for many years. Then I had to learn how to survive without too many people. I’ve come a mighty long way, ask my husband 🙂 I can now hang out by myself, and actually enjoy it.

IMG_20170320_085430

My last trip to the ocean was very contemplative. I walked right into the water as the girls played with sand and begun to pray. I prayed that God would help me a better wife and mother. Writer. Then after I rumbled about each of these roles, I prayed that I would be who He created me to be. It came after all the explanations.

As I shared with hubs about our swim in the ocean, my prayer time and thoughts on life, he said that if I am the woman God created me to be, all these other things and roles will fall right into place. I walked away in silence, not in a rude ‘huff and puff’ manner, but one that said, ‘Selah, I’ma just go to my corner and think about all of that truth’.

It’s so easy to get absorbed by the roles that I play, so busy doing and forget about being. Even as life is getting busier, I realize the importance of pausing and seeking His face. Our eyes must remain on Him, not easily distracted by the fleeting things of this world. Our hearts must remain stayed on Him. Our faith in Him. He alone is God. We need Him on good days as much as we need Him on bad days.

I’ve been singing this song for the past couple of weeks. It’s been my daily declaration that I need God. I need Him.

Where will I go without, Your hand holding me
And How could I live without You I can’t see
Lord, what will I do with Life where will I go
How would I handle things All that I know
Cos’ I Fail, Again

I Fall, I Fall so short, so short
You Know, You know my End Lord
From the start, You know my heart
I Need You

Life happens. Seasons change. But the fact remains, I need you.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

 

 

Morning Reflections: Remain Fluid, Always

The ocean is my happy place. When I moved to Mombasa, I used to wonder how and why the people who lived here didn’t frequent the ocean. Then I got comfortable, became one of ‘them’, my ‘let’s go to the ocean’ plans became sparse. I guess after a few months, it became the norm, sort of like Uhuru park 🙂

Yesterday morning, I went for a walk on the beach and I was just so blown away. It was so nostalgic! Reminded me of the love that I had for God when I moved to Mombasa. Please don’t get me wrong, I still love Jesus. Though life was different then. But I was reminded to remain fluid regardless of the season in life. To always be available for the Spirit of the Lord to blow me in the direction that he pleases. Having the waves crash at my feet was an example of what He can do with a fluid heart.

IMG_20170320_085430

I left so recharged and in awe of God. I kept singing this song.

Oh that I will search for Him and find Him, everyday, in the big things and the little things.

We serve a big God!! He deserves all of our praise. May our life songs sing to Him.  Standing by the ocean humbled me. My response was YES! Yes, I will go where you send me, even across the fence, the nations and oceans. Obedience begins where I’m at, it’s not a destination but a state of being.

IMG_20170320_085202 (2)

Here’s to many more walks by the ocean, many refreshing reflections and an irresistible love for Jesus that oozes into every part of my life.

Remain Fluid, Always!

Blessings,

Bibi2be

2016: Tried and Tested. Yet I Still Believe

The last couple of days have disoriented me. I’ve been too tired to cry. 2016 has been a roller coaster with really good days and some really sad, dark ones too. It’s had it’s share of trials and tests and I’ve had to keep reminding myself that this is not new.

download-17

 

This December I read the Christmas story using the Advent reading plan; it was a beautiful time of reading. This verse really stood out for me.

peace

Some versions say, “He will be the source of our peace.” During the last couple of days, this verse has resonated with me. Life has made me feel anxious, antsy, angry, agitated. But I’ve been reminded to keep my focus on Jesus for He is the source of my peace.

A few days ago, as I put Kyria to bed, I heard the Holy Spirit ask me, ‘Do you believe?’. I said, “I believe, help my unbelief. The truth is even in the midst of the darkness, I still believe, though doubt sometimes floods my heart; I know in the depths of my heart that He is for me.

This song came to mind and it has been my declaration since.

I don’t need to see the bigger picture to believe what God says. By faith I can speak and see a thing.

I’m going into 2017 , not limited by what I’ve seen in 2016 but believing that His word is true, that there is so much that I can do. I’m believing that because He said it in His word, it settles it in the earth.

Through the trials and tests, I still believe that He is for me and I am safe in His arms. So I have chosen to give up my pride and turn away from arrogance. I’m not concerned with great matters or subjects too difficult for me. I have stilled and quieted myself in His embrace, just as a child; just as my sweet Ky is still in her mother’s arms.

131

Here’s to 2017!

God  is on the throne my dear friends, here’s to many more adventures in Him and with Him.

Happy new year!!!

Thank you for journeying with the K’s and I ❤ I’m excited to see where the Lord orders our steps!!

Blessings,

Bibi2be