Lessons From My Daughters (Pt 8) Love, Life & Sisterhood

We celebrated five years of marriage a few days ago. Where did time fly to? It’s a both short and long time. I will do a marriage post soon, I have to keep up with the tradition:). I can’t wait to read the compilation when we celebrate ten years of marriage by God’s grace.

marriage-be-like-Christ

As I write this, I’m wearing heels for the first time since I gave birth, Ksena says that they are my dancing shoes, so she helped me put them on. She saw some pictures of us during our wedding and she thinks that I am a princess. It’s so sweet. I’ve not refuted her claims, after all I am a Daughter of the most High King. What a beautiful reminder, that I need to put my dancing shoes on and dance to the music of life.

The K girls have blossomed, and I know that this is just the beginning but it is such a joy to watch them grow. In the coming months, Ky will be mobile and it should be interesting watching her follow Miss K, or not. I love that they are fond of each other. When Ksena wakes up, after her prayer she asks where her sister is. When Ky sees her she gives her a big toothless smile and chuckle. Ky has figured out that some days Miss K leaves her at home. Last week, she wailed when she saw me going to pick her up and we ended up going together.

sisterhood

There is a sweet sisterhood bond being formed here and I am super excited to see it grow and stick. As usual, these girls are teaching me a lot about life, faith and peace. This past week, I was a student in Miss Ky’s little class.

Where are they?

Ky loves to go outside. If you take her to the door she will prompt you to open the grill door, and take her out. Yesterday, we all went out and she was ecstatic as we walked out. She loved every second of being outside, the breeze and the branches swaying made her smile. She enjoyed watching Ksena and daddy run around. When it was was time for her and I to go back to the house, she kept craning her neck to see where Ksena and daddy were. Even as we closed the door she kept looking back and mumbling.

Leave no man behind.

An almost 7 month-old baby, demonstrated what it means to deeply care for and love someone. You need to check on them and see where they are.

I had a conversation with Peter two days ago about the importance of praying for people who are yet to receive salvation. And I wrote a list of people that I have committed not to ‘leave behind’.

Do not pass me by!

Ky is super alert, she knows who comes in, when they come in and when they leave. Every time that hubby passes by Ky, she immediately puts her hands up and starts mumbling to get his attention. If he doesn’t carry her or acknowledge her she gets upset and starts crying. She has learned how to cry with her eyes closed for emphasis 🙂 . I’m not sure where she picked that from.

When I’m home, I have to hide to write, because once she gets her eyes on me, she wants me to carry her immediately. Waving hi is not enough. Nah, she wants the full shebang. Now that I’m there, she is suddenly thirsty for milk.

It reminds me a lot of my walk with God. In fact the song that comes to mind is, ”While on others thou art calling, do not pass me by.” In many ways, I am just like Ky, it could have even become a daily prayer, that ‘Yes, Lord I can see you, and I would like you to call me by name and lift me up’. Ky reminds me that it is okay to call out. Just because I spent one hour with Him earlier doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t still desire Him. I pray that I will always look to Him to satisfy me.

I’m currently enjoying playlists by Worship Mob.

‘I want to know your heart!’

Have a blessed week,

Bibi2be

By His Grace, For His Glory

AND..I’M…BACK!!!!!! (: (: (:

It is so good to write again, it feels like it’s been too long since I last posted. I’ve been in a wedding zone, two of my friends of mine got married in the last two weeks. It’s been interesting watching them journey to the aisle. It was quite nostalgic, plus, we celebrated our 4th anniversary last week 🙂 . It’s been a short long time. I remember the wedding day vividly, it’s amazing how much we’ve changed since. We’ve both grown as individuals and in our roles as well.

anniversary_img_280415

As I’ve reflected on marriage the last couple of weeks as I’ve engaged in different conversations about marriage, weddings and relationships, I’ve found this statement to be the best summary of our union.

‘By His Grace, for His glory!!!’

We are married in a time where the world doesn’t honor and respect the institution of marriage. Being happily married is honestly a miracle. By God’s grace we are. We’ve seen God carry us, sustain us, fulfill us and love on us. It is His Grace that has brought us this far, for His glory. There are many marriage practices and theories that people attribute to a happy marriage, but I can boldly say that without God you still remain void. It is He who holds us together [Colossians 1:17] By now you’ve figured that I absolutely love this verse. It is a lifeline for me.


111223_Colossians1_17

Marriage works, with Jesus it does. We used to wonder out loud a few years ago that if marriage with God in it has its challenges, what about marriage without Him? Quite frankly, I am still not interested in finding out how it works without Him (: .

If you have given up hope on marriages in our generation, please be encouraged, a remnant of God’s grace remains, for His glory.

My heart has been so heavy for marriages the last couple of days, as I have been praying this song has been my prayer.

If your marriage is in a dark place that has discouraged you and made you doubt God, I pray that you will experience God’s divine peace. Oh that the Spirit of the Lord will break out and break down every wall down. Every wall that has boxed you in and held you captive. May revival come, His kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. There is nothing too difficult for God. No situation too dark or bleak for Him. He is God.

If you would like me to stand with you in prayer, please send me an email via ess@bibi2be.com and we’ll trust God together.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

 

 

 

Lord, Convict Our Hearts

I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage the last couple of days. Our anniversary is coming up and I have friends getting married in the next couple of days. I’ve been asking myself what my desire of God is this coming year regarding marriage.

As I prayed, I asked the Lord to convict my heart on a daily basis. To show me the things of darkness that have perched themselves in my heart, the thought patterns that do not conform to the patterns of His word, the unkind things I’ve said and done and then lead me in the war everlasting.

images (17)

Only He convicts and then leads in the way everlasting. His voice is not condemning but rather loving.

Marriage is about BEING ONE. In this day and age, being one has lost meaning. Many times it is ‘my way or the highway’ but you can’t have two people convinced they are right. There needs to be a compromise, a deal breaker. A heart softener who convicts and sets you on the right track.

The longer I’m married, I become increasingly aware that I will be answerable for my individual actions. If I don’t respond in love, that’s on me. I will stand and give an account for all my actions. By your grace Lord, may most of them adhere to your plan and loving grace over my life.

If you feel your marriage has plateaued or could be deeper and better, I encourage you to ask God to first convict you and lead you in the way everlasting. Then he can convict your spouse’s heart and lead him/her too.

Jesus is the glue that holds us together, Col 1:17. When we exclude and ignore Him we draw apart from each other.

26634083e2d611a7d000d951e70cd0d9

Marriage was designed by God. If you have questions and concerns about it run to Him, speak to Him and then listen.

It’s been a wonderful adventure the last couple of years. I want more of Jesus and more years of adventure with my  ❤

There is nothing too difficult for God. No situation too far gone for His redemption. Run to Him and allow Him to breathe life into that dry situation, according to His will.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

 

courtesy ofhttp://www.solideogloriasisterhood.com/connections-when-sex-hurts/

When Sex Hurts

Sex is supposed to be synonymous with pleasure. Sometimes, it is not, and pain takes the place of pleasure. Over time, it is possible for this to strain a marriage. One of the symptoms of Endometriosis is pain during or after sex. Pain during sex is seldom talked about and many women and marriages are suffering in silence. In honor of Endometriosis Awareness Month, I asked Maggie Gitu , a Marriage and Family Therapist and Sex therapist to expound on what to do when sex hurts because of endometriosis or adenomyosis.

courtesy ofhttp://signaturextra.com/5-medical-conditions-ways-to-deal-with-painful-sx

Sex is one of the most important and fun ways for married couples to connect. Painful sex, however, is no one’s idea of a good time. Painful sexual intercouse, also known as dyspareunia, is the persistent pain that occurs during or after sexual intercourse. Dyspareunia can occur as a result of a variety of issues such as insufficient lubrication, trauma, surgery or physical conditions such as vaginismus, endometriosis or adenomyosis. Endometriosis is caused when tissue that lines the uterus grows outside of the uterus, while adenomyosis happens when uterine tissue grown into the uterine wall. Both of these conditions can interfere with sexual intercourse.

While the presence of endometriosis or adenomyosis can interfere with a couple’s sexual pleasure, there is no need for sexual intimacy to cease altogether. So what’s a couple to do?

Communicate:

It may sound cliché but it’s absolutely true. It’s important for a couple to communicate openly and honestly about what is happening in their marital bed. Even going for doctor visits together would be helpful in allowing male partners to hear the information directly from a qualified medical professional, which may increase their understanding and empathy for their female partners.

It is also important to allow room in the marriage for honesty: room to speak honestly about the challenges of having to deal with a condition, irritation at having to avoid certain sexual positions that you would want to try but can’t because of the pain to the partner, the guilt or shame that is common with partners who feel like they are being denied the sexual adventures they imagined they would have. Remember that these feelings are about the situation, not the person. The bottom line is that openness and honesty will be crucial if a couple is to enjoy their sex life.

 Lose It:

Lose the guilt, because none of this is your fault, and even when/where you could have done better, now you can because now you know better. Lose the blame; again, this serves no purpose in enhancing the intimacy in your marriage. Accept that this is the situation that you’re in, find a competent doctor to work with you and move forward determined to enjoy your sex life together, inspite of a diagnosis of endometriosis/adenomyosis. Lose the bad attitude; it’s going to destroy your sex life, which will in turn negatively impact other aspects of your marriage. Lose anything and everything that will interfere with your ability to connect as a couple. If you need more support, more information, or additional medical intervention, all you ever have to do is ask, so ask! Your doctor will advise you on all the options that are available. Lose the pressure to be perfect; sex is about connection, intimacy and fun not an Olympic performance with a score board. Relax into it; remember that you are not alone, and there is help and support to be found for those who take the time to seek. 

Attitude:

When it comes to sex, attitude is everything. Even without the added challenges of endometriosis or adenomyosis, the attitude a couple has about the kind of sex they want to have really does make all the difference. Instead of seeing these conditions in a strictly negative light, try to challenge yourselves on all the positive things that can come out of this, for example, the sexual positions that you hadn’t even thought to try might be exactly what you need in order to have sex life that you want.

Experiment and Have Fun:

Sex should be fun, so make it fun and experiment. As a couple, be open to different sexual positions, for example, while the missionary position may be painful for some women, it may be easier for you but you’ll never know unless you try. In addition, begin to figure out what sequences work best and which ones are best left alone e.g. some women find it easier to begin with one sexual position and then move on to other positions while some find that maintaining a single position is easiest on them. The point is, experiment! Make a game of it by coming up with a funny ranking system that you can both look forward to contributing to; be sure to add an exciting reward system 😉

Part of experimentation is understanding that sexual intercourse is not the only way to enjoy sexual intimacy. In other words, what are your sexual limits? What are you willing to try, even once? Developing your own sexual ‘playlist’ as you seek to increase your repertoire can be a fun way to take the pressure off by focusing on what feels good, not what ‘should’ feel good. With the right attitude, the issue may no longer be what the couple can’t do but instead be all the things they haven’t – yet. The sexual repertoire is endless so experiment and find out what works best for you.

A happy healthy sex life is vital for any couple and despite having a diagnosis of endometriosis/adenomyosis, it is achievable with communication, the right attitude and a sense of fun.

If you would like get in talk more with Maggie, you can reach her via maggiegitu@hotmail.com , +254 734 757 785 or @MaggietheMezzo .

Blessings,

Bibi2be

Home: Our Safe Space

I was away from home for a couple of weeks. It’s great to be back to our little haven. 70bf8f4215597ee953ba14b7d3875411

This saying is not always true though. For some, home is a place they dread to go to. Some people, come just in time for bed and leave before sunrise. While others, avoid home all together.

It is easy to shift the blame around for being unhappy and feeling unsafe at home when you are living with your family of origin. You can blame marital problems, abuse; the list is endless.

It is a different ball game all together once you get married.

Your marital home is your home away from home. A place where together with your spouse you get to set the rules and break them if you like. You take responsibility for your actions and decisions.

A safe space doesn’t just happen. It is more than the combination of colourful walls, tasteful furniture and beautiful China. It is a conscious decision made daily to make the home a safe place.

c207b5ddf1304cde4840973cc3a03588

The world is brutal. Every warrior needs a place he can take off his armour, put down his sword and just be vulnerable. ( Please keep on the sword of the spirit though.)

308d4cddd43582d8777196a851657d8f

After a couple of days of living with your spouse, you figure out what they like and don’t like. You know their soft spots and raw spots. This information is power, you are informed on how to irritate them on one hand and be a blessing on the other hand.

Leave judgment and comparison at the door. The world offers these in plenty. There is no need for an extra serving at home.

22bf0b9046a1dd35dea489edbb12d7cf

Put a guard over your mouth. The truth is that not everything you think must be said. Avoid the temptation to keep repeating yourself like a broken telephone. In the beginning it is reiteration, after a while it is nagging. In all things, speak life. There is power in the tongue. Don’t be a prophet of doom. Speak life.

Make your home inviting. Find something that makes your home homely for you. Make it a place that you look forward to going to.

”What is said at home stays at home.” Trust is an important aspect of a safe space. No one is perfect, and no one likes to have their faults announced to the public. Be a confidant.

Proverbs 14:1 (NIV)

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

Pray. Invite the Lord’s presence and wisdom into your home. Read His word and let Him show you how to make your home safe. In Him we find safety.

Proverbs 24:3 (NIV)

By wisdom a house is built, through understanding it is established.

All in all, keep Jesus at the center. In Him we find all that we need. When in doubt ask the Spirit.

05134df9783ae24edecf1f6d0c1e0683

If your marriage is in a dry place, may the Lord refresh it. If your home is currently a hostile place, I pray that the Lord will minister to you, heal your heart and show you how to make it a safe space.

Blessings,

Bibi2Be

*all images are courtesy of pinterest*

The S Word

The-S-Word

S.U.B.M.I.S.S.I.O.N

The second S word in marriage, after S.E.X.

A couple of years ago, before I met the hubster, I used to hear this word and shudder. In my mind it was synonymous with ‘to be seen and not heard’. To operate like a submarine; chini ya maji. Looking back, the marriages around me as I grew up were not the perfect poster children for submission.

Submission remained such a grey area in my heart and mind regarding marriage. It was the main weakness in my SWOT analysis of marriage. It translated to weakness, period. Why would a perfectly capable woman go in and agree to be somebody’s ‘door mat’? My rationale was skewed; the root was a wounded heart. What I saw growing up had become my reality.

When I begun dating my husband, I asked the Lord to renew my mind and show me His truth regarding submission. If He created it to be beautiful then there ought to be something that I was missing. Little did I know ,not only did I need a renewal of mind, but a change of scenery as well. I had been staring at the wrong picture for far too long.

He begun to open my eyes to marriages around me that were doing it differently. I still found that within my circle, submission was subtly explained but not expounded on. So I went into marriage with a good understanding in theory of what was expected of me ,and a vague understanding of what it translated to in marriage; enough to let me know that I didn’t have to blend in with the furniture or wait to be addressed before I spoke. No submarine tactics :). Over the years, God has given me a better understanding of what submission is.

Our society has conditioned us to do things because something else has been done for us. ‘ Because he provides for the home, you should serve him when he enters the house.’ The cause and effect is all wrong. Life may throw a curve ball like sickness, and accident, loss of a job and he may not be able to provide, does that mean the submission would come to a stand still until he provides again?  We shouldn’t submit because of what our husbands do but because we know God.

It is so interesting that as Paul gave his instructions for conduct within the home he always started by instructing the women.

Instructions for Christian Households.

You wives must submit to your husbands, as is fitting got those who belong to the Lord. Colossians 3:18 (NLT)

It is sad when Christian Households borrow a leaf (or the whole tree) from Hollywood regarding how wives and husbands should relate. The bible is quite clear; it should be our yardstick. It may seem ‘boring’ because it is black and white and doesn’t advocate for coloring outside the box BUT it is all for our good. It saves us.

submission

Spirit-Guided Relationships: Wives and Husbands

And further you will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. You wives will submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:21-24 (NLT)

Submission is a result of what Christ did for us; it is our response to the cross in our homes. -Kui Kimemia

The title is Spirit Guided Relationships because it only works if you let the Holy Spirit lead you. At the end of the day, when Christ comes back for His church we will give an account of our lives as individuals, not as husband and wife. On that day, may we not need to play the blame game like Adam and Eve did in the garden.

td jakes

A man who is not in submission to God may lead you astray. Do not submit blindly; Christ must remain the center. Let His Spirit lead you so that the devil will not deceive you.

In conclusion,

Do not stifle the holy spirit. 1 Thessalonians 5:19 (NLT)

Amplify the volume on his receiver and let Him be the voice of reason in your home and life.

Submission is a beautiful thing when done the way that Christ intended it. It allows the wife to blossom in Christ.

For the husbands: remember to love your wives as Christ loved the church.

Blessings,

Bibi2Be

Love is…

Nobody likes to be sick.

The most challenging part about living with Endo is that it is a pain on the inside. It doesn’t really have an outward manifestation so you cant say ‘look I broke my hand’. This makes it hard for people to understand how one can be in pain yet look okay. Over the years I have heard all sorts of things regarding Endometriosis. In fact one of them that still gets to me to date is ‘all women have painful periods so you should take some painkillers and get over it’. Yes, Eve ate the apple et al BUT that does not mean periods are supposed to be painful.

Moms, if your not so little girl says her periods really hurt listen to her and believe her. Then find a way to ease the pain and find the root cause. Don’t wait to be prompted by a complication. Yes, there are normal period pains. Endometriosis is not normal period cramps; if it were many women would not rush to the emergency room in pain. Take time to understand Endometriosis and share the information, you could help another woman.

Hug an Endowarrior. Let her know that she is not alone. Take her out for a smoothie (knowing what I know now, the coffee should be taken in moderation.) If you can go for her doctor’s appointments with her, please do. Lord knows waiting rooms are not filled with hope and joy but the opposite. (Also, don’t volunteer to take her when you are in a hurry, let’s just say, doctors rarely keep time or are called into emergencies when you are the next one in line).

Today I want to celebrate my special friend who doubles up as my hubster :). He has sat with me in hospitals for too many hours to count – man, in another life I would probably be a doctor smiling all the way to the bank. He has prayed with and for me, wiped my tears; loved me through it all even when it got ugly and I felt ugly. Hormones! never underestimate the power of these little things. They can take you down a very dark path. He has shown me that the vows ‘in sickness and in health’ can be a reality. You can choose to love in hard circumstances.

love is

You came into my life at the right time. Truly, two are better than one; when one is weak, the other can be strong. When I am weak, you are strong. I love you!

Thank you for not leaving my side.

Maybe one of these days I’ll ask him to write about Endo from his point of view :).

Blessings,

Bibi2Be