How Not To Be A Cranky Mama

Over the last couple of months, I’ve learnt to be a little selfish. To take care of myself a little more. When I was a new mum, I sacrificed a lot of things including my well being. I neglected nourishing myself because I thought that pouring out was more important. Boy, was I mistaken.

Motherhood is sacrifice. A mother is a living sacrifice. Motherhood has a way of revealing your doubts, truths and values. It forces you to walk down memory lane and examine what happened and how it made you feel. It’s like a dose of strong coffee that has your mind multitasking and analyzing. You suddenly become aware of things that could have missed your attention and you have to answer the difficult questions.

Over the years, I’ve cracked how to be a cranky and angry mama by 11am. It’s really simple, skip breakfast, postpone doing your quiet time and fail to get some rest. Try this for a couple of days and you will acquaint yourself with your mean side. And, there are not many nice things about your mean side. At least nothing you’d like to write home about.

My mean side is horrible. I’ve realized that pouring out of an empty cup is dangerous for everyone. First, for me the giver and second for the recipients around me. I replay some of the things that I’ve said when empty, the attitudes that I’ve had towards myself and the situations at hand, and I can’t help but shudder in disbelief. Hang my head in embarrassment. It was bad. I was bad, really bad. I was a mum turned monster. Which was never my end goal. The thing is I couldn’t tell when it is happening, it was like a slow fade that transformed me into a bad version of myself.

It matters to my family that I am nourished- physically and spiritually. I can only pour out of what I have. The verse ‘Man cannot live on bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord. – Matthew 4:4’ reveals that I cannot survive on bread alone. To live well, we need to feed ourselves both physically and spiritually.

It is crucial that I have my breakfast (before lunch time) and spend time with God everyday. Sometimes I deceive myself that I am too busy or convince myself that the babies need me to hover around them. But the truth is that Miss K and Ky need me to be full.

They need me to be rested. I am a kinder and more patient mummy when I have had some rest. When I am sleep deprived, my fuse is short. It’s tempting to take out my frustrations on the people closest to me. I have learned that taking a nap makes me a better person.

Quiet time helps me to see my circumstances from God’s perspective. When I pray I invite the power of God in to every situation. Then I am able to walk with a spring in my step because I know that God’s got me. I am able to speak words of life,  to speak kindly, because I don’t carry any grudges and bitterness. I am able to be physically, spiritually and mentally present.

That’s the type of mama I want to be daily.

On that note, I’m off to hide and have my breakfast and quiet time because it is crucial for my sanity, blood sugar, faith, demeanor and the atmosphere in my home.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

 

 

 

Don’t Dull Your Shine

I have had my laptop for well over five years. It has served me well. I enjoyed it’s performance in it’s infantile years. One of the perks that have come with age, is the speakers are not working. That sucks. Ksena thinks so too. Yesterday, she told me, ” Mama, your computer needs to become younger so that it can play sound.” I laughed about it. My two year old’s thought process tickles and fascinates me at the same time.

As I reflected, I realized that unlike my computer, I won’t be able to buy a younger version of myself. There are things that I won’t be able to do when I get older. The question is what am I doing with what I have now?

The truth is that is so easy to have an excuse, even two, not to do what you need to be doing. For a long time, I used this same computer as an excuse not to write. It was foolish. My thinking and perspective in life has since changed. It’s about the end picture. It’s easy to do nothing, but nothing can’t make a difference.

I still struggle in certain aspects but I want the Lord to reveal to me the mighty things that He can do with the staff in my hand. It all boils down to stewardship and a willingness to do what I was created to do.

My prayer is that my life will model to my girls to live their best lives now. To obey promptly and not to make excuses. There will always be a reason not to do it, in fact it may be like a raging fire in your heart compared to the candle flame of your conviction.

I’m currently listening to Todd Dulaney live from Trinidad.

He who called you is faithful. He called you to be the light of the world so don’t let the excuses dull your shine.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

We Are Just Like Grasshoppers

One of the lessons that I have learned from toddlers is that we all have the tendancy to think that we are bigger and greater than we really are. Walk in to a playgroup class and you will see these little, budding, grown ups in small bodies, who sometimes think that they are grown ups.

Occasionally, I sit and stare at Ksena in absolute awe. My baby girl has grown up ( I know I say this all the time, but it’s true). Sometimes, she blows me away with all that she has learned in her few years on earth. I cherish the little conversations that we have, and I am slowly getting used to answering ‘why?’ over and over, every single day. It’s fascinating to see her thought process become more complex. She asks because she wants to understand.

Some days (seems like all the time nowadays) , she does things that test the boundaries (and my sanity). I refuse to call it ‘terrible twos’, because there is power in the tongue, I am sure that I don’t want to claim the terrible. It’s more of ‘testing twos’, in my opinion. We have to keep repeating and reinforcing the boundaries. And reminding her that she is still a child, she may be growing but she is still under our authority. In this year, I have understood this verse:

PROV 22-15

In my walk with God, there are times that as I have grown I have become more comfortable. The boundary lines could have blurred, or for a moment there I could have there I could have thought that I was bigger than I actually am.

As I read Isaiah yesterday, the Lord reminded me that as He looks down on us as humanity we look like grasshoppers. Grasshoppers!

For in him we live and move and exist. As some of your[a] own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring._

You struggle to worship and stand in awe of a god who you view as your equal. But, the living God is very, very, far from our equal. In fact, He keeps asking, ‘ to whom shall you compare me to?’. Whom have you been comparing Him with? Does your worship reflect your understanding of His magnitude?

Just like a grasshopper, is what we are in His sight. Beloved ‘grasshoppers’. When we see Him as He is, we can attempt to worship Him as He desires for us to. He longs for our eyes, minds and hearts to remain stayed on Him. Yes, we are in the world, but not of this world.

I’m currently listening to Todd Dulaney live in Ghana. We serve a GREAT God, and He deserves our praise.

I pray that He will release His favor, power and glory, that they, may rain on us.

Have a blessed week,

Bibi2be

Safe In His Arms

It’s not by chance that mama bear’s porridge was too cold when Goldilocks tasted it. One thing that I’ve had to learn since I became a mum is the art of eating cool (read: cold) food. It really is an art. For a long time, I preferred my food hot, now I focus on the end goal which is to be full. Hot or cold, I’ma eat it.

The truth is, I wouldn’t trade my lukewarm, mostly cold food for anything. The territory has come with many more blessings and I’m just in awe of the Lord’s sustenance. He has been faithful. I look back at the last couple of months and I can’t help but say ‘ Praise the Lord!’.

psalm 68-19

This verse is a perfect summary of the song in my heart. Sometimes I look back and wonder how I am still standing but the truth is that I have been carried. Like a child in her mother’s arms, I have been embraced, encouraged, cherished, cuddled, protected and nourished. Praise the Lord!

I’d like to share something my husband shared, that has been replaying in my heart.

K SQUAD CHRONICLES (HIS FAITHFULNESS) This week was my thirty something birthday, 5th marriage anniversary, and a few months short of our 5th year in Mombasa. Its a busy season of life (wife, kids, ministry, work and new projects etc) so I didn’t get to reflect about it until Friday evening. As I reflected on the journey, through the ups and downs,the stretching seasons (they seem many:-) ). I realized one thing is constant: GOD’S FAITHFULNESS. In our home we have a saying “keep the main thing, the MAIN THING!” Basically don’t lose focus on your main goal/goals or be distracted by the nuisances of life. My prayer is that I will heed the call and “Keep the main thing, the main thing! “For I know, LORD, that our lives are not our own. We are not able to plan our own course.”(Jeremiah 10:23)

P.S Whatever you have been procrastinating about, waiting on the right conditions to start or do, heed the call, jump in, for we are but a breath, here today gone tomorrow. (Psalm 144:4)


Man is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow.

The truth is that I have so many dreams that I have been putting on hold, but tomorrow is not assured.

My prayer is that the Lord will teach me how to number my days. That I will walk in (prompt) obedience and let the Lord glorify Himself in my life.

If you would like me to stand with you in prayer, please send me an email via bibi2bee@gmail.com.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

Lessons From My Daughters (Pt 8) Love, Life & Sisterhood

We celebrated five years of marriage a few days ago. Where did time fly to? It’s a both short and long time. I will do a marriage post soon, I have to keep up with the tradition:). I can’t wait to read the compilation when we celebrate ten years of marriage by God’s grace.

marriage-be-like-Christ

As I write this, I’m wearing heels for the first time since I gave birth, Ksena says that they are my dancing shoes, so she helped me put them on. She saw some pictures of us during our wedding and she thinks that I am a princess. It’s so sweet. I’ve not refuted her claims, after all I am a Daughter of the most High King. What a beautiful reminder, that I need to put my dancing shoes on and dance to the music of life.

The K girls have blossomed, and I know that this is just the beginning but it is such a joy to watch them grow. In the coming months, Ky will be mobile and it should be interesting watching her follow Miss K, or not. I love that they are fond of each other. When Ksena wakes up, after her prayer she asks where her sister is. When Ky sees her she gives her a big toothless smile and chuckle. Ky has figured out that some days Miss K leaves her at home. Last week, she wailed when she saw me going to pick her up and we ended up going together.

sisterhood

There is a sweet sisterhood bond being formed here and I am super excited to see it grow and stick. As usual, these girls are teaching me a lot about life, faith and peace. This past week, I was a student in Miss Ky’s little class.

Where are they?

Ky loves to go outside. If you take her to the door she will prompt you to open the grill door, and take her out. Yesterday, we all went out and she was ecstatic as we walked out. She loved every second of being outside, the breeze and the branches swaying made her smile. She enjoyed watching Ksena and daddy run around. When it was was time for her and I to go back to the house, she kept craning her neck to see where Ksena and daddy were. Even as we closed the door she kept looking back and mumbling.

Leave no man behind.

An almost 7 month-old baby, demonstrated what it means to deeply care for and love someone. You need to check on them and see where they are.

I had a conversation with Peter two days ago about the importance of praying for people who are yet to receive salvation. And I wrote a list of people that I have committed not to ‘leave behind’.

Do not pass me by!

Ky is super alert, she knows who comes in, when they come in and when they leave. Every time that hubby passes by Ky, she immediately puts her hands up and starts mumbling to get his attention. If he doesn’t carry her or acknowledge her she gets upset and starts crying. She has learned how to cry with her eyes closed for emphasis 🙂 . I’m not sure where she picked that from.

When I’m home, I have to hide to write, because once she gets her eyes on me, she wants me to carry her immediately. Waving hi is not enough. Nah, she wants the full shebang. Now that I’m there, she is suddenly thirsty for milk.

It reminds me a lot of my walk with God. In fact the song that comes to mind is, ”While on others thou art calling, do not pass me by.” In many ways, I am just like Ky, it could have even become a daily prayer, that ‘Yes, Lord I can see you, and I would like you to call me by name and lift me up’. Ky reminds me that it is okay to call out. Just because I spent one hour with Him earlier doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t still desire Him. I pray that I will always look to Him to satisfy me.

I’m currently enjoying playlists by Worship Mob.

‘I want to know your heart!’

Have a blessed week,

Bibi2be

From The Mouth of Babes, God Speaks!

As I write this, I am hiding from the girls. I love them to bits, but today I am taking a small break, to write and also miss THE hour. You know, the hour when they fight sleep and end up being a little feisty.

About two weeks ago, I had one of those days when I was weary. I had given all that I had and was ready for bed but the babies had extra energy. I whispered to heaven, “Lord, does heaven deliver chocolate cake and hugs?”. Then I heard nothing. I’m not too sure what I was expecting to hear though. Though a direct delivery would have been heavenly, see what I did there? 🙂

There was no time to sit and sulk. The evening routine had to be done. The girls don’t care about my internal atmosphere, they just want mummy, to read them their bible and pray with them before bed. Speaking of bible reading, Ksena’s current favorite story is Jesus on the cross. She asks for it each and every day.  Initially I struggled with how to answer all her questions. I was not exactly sure how to simplify death and resurrection or how much her two year old mind would understand. But, I decided to tell her the truth, biblical truth and let the Holy Spirit do the rest. Mine is to sow seeds and pray that it lands on good soil, and the Lord, the gardener, will water the seeds and that they will grow. In this season, I have been increasingly grateful for the Holy Spirit. John 14 and 16 are dear to me.

ps 119-11

Look at me digress 🙂 That evening, after we’d read the story of Jesus on the cross, Ksena started singing. Mummy, “Hear Christ calling, ‘Come unto me, and I will give you rest.’ ” She sang it over and over again, and it got my attention. I heard loud and clear that the rest that my weary and somewhat empty soul needed was in God. I slept smiling that night. Exhausted but at peace.

I currently cannot get enough of this song. It is my prayer.

Acts 3 comes to mind and it reminds me that when the Spirit comes, you overflow. You cannot remain the same.

Eternity is but a heartbeat away ~ Cornelius Lindsey.

We were created to worship God. It won’t start when we die, it will be a continuation of what we have been doing here on earth. My prayer is that my life song, our life songs will be acceptable to Him.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

 

Keeping Journals For My Daughters

I have a box full of journals that I’ve written over the years. Each of them is a treasure of emotions and a testimony of how far God has carried me. I started writing at about 8 years old. Then, I didn’t think it would be something that I’d carry with me for the rest of the life, but writing was my outlet.

There are seasons where I have been very consistent with writing, and others where I have taken so long to complete a journal. But deep within, I’ve known that writing is good for me. I process life through writing. Sometimes I look back and I’m amazed at the depth in the journal entries.

journal

When I was pregnant, I had an idea to keep a journal for my girls. After Ky was born, I bought them journals that I felt reflected their personalities and started writing late last year.

This has turned out to be one of my favorite pastimes, I actually look forward to spend time writing when they are asleep. It warms my heart.

This verse is what nudged me to keep journals for my girls.

psalm 145-4

I realized that it is very easy to forget to share the good things that God has done. But there is something powerful about sharing testimonies. They ignite a flame in the faith of the hearer. They point them back to God.

It has been such an amazing experience. I have enjoyed writing little prayers, testimonies of the Lord’s doing, our memories, words of wisdom, and funny moments. I want to incorporate little drawings.

My prayer is that they will glean wisdom, laugh at the precious memories, but over all, stand in awe of God. He is faithful. I want them to know it for themselves, and see His footsteps through their lives and His finger prints on their hearts.

Would you like to start keeping a journal for your children? All you need is a journal, pen and a heart to write. The stories will flow, the testimonies will be shared and their faith will be strengthened in the Lord.

Blessings,

Bibi2Be