Training Wheels

“Mama, just let her play with it.” Ksena said to me as we watched Ky attempt to eat board book. She’s teething, these teeth have been coming out for three months. Today, one finally broke through (cue ululations). I’m excited, I can’t say the same about my nipples and Ky’s earlobes, they are both about to be conditioned. Our toothless smile is turning into a two-toothed smile.

Over the last nine months, our home and hearts have been transformed. Yesterday as I watched the girls played, I said to Peter, that I almost don’t remember life before Ky came. She has warmed our hearts, her joy has radiated everywhere she has gone. She greets us with smiles every morning and wakes Ksena up by shouting, ‘Dada Dada Dada’. If Ksena wakes up before Ky, she asks two questions: “Where is my sister? How was her night?” once you have answered these questions to her satisfaction, then she asks you to pray.

Sisterhood has made Ksena more empathetic. Granted that there are times that I have to remind her to be kind to Ky, or to use her kind voice, being a sister has brought out a softer, caring and protective side. The transition from being an only child to a big sister has been smooth. Initially, there were a few regressions but all in all, there has been a lot of progress.

train up your child

Training a child in the way that they should go is like playing a cd on loop, both the audio and video. It is setting an example in speech and deeds. I repeat myself severally. When I am tempted to get frustrated and irritated, I remember the love and grace that the Lord has extended to me. Sometimes the bible seems repetitive, but we are children, the more we hear and internalize, the more we are transformed.

A few months ago, Ksena wasn’t bothered to learn how to peddle her tricycle. She preferred to be pushed, sometimes she would attempt to peddle while the bike was already in motion. Other times, she would just sit pretty and enjoy the ride. She wasn’t bothered that other children knew how to ride, one day, she woke up and peddled. Now she is ready for a bicycle with training wheels. The training doesn’t stop until she learns to cycle and balance on her own.

From time to time (more like every other week), I am asked a question that compares the girls’ development. Ksena’s teeth popped when she was much younger, but Ky has started cruising earlier than Ksena did. I am learning to let them grow at their pace. Growth is not a competition, everyone is on their own journey. What is important is that we all make it to our destinations, so we walk if we can, and crawl if we must. As long as we don’t stop moving.

Our girls were dedicated to the Lord this past weekend, it was beautiful and powerful service. Aside from the emotions, we were reminded our mandate to train up these girls in the ways of the Lord. To speak truth into their lives. To teach them truth. It’s a huge task and responsibility, one that we cannot delegate.  Sometimes the task at hand seems daunting but we have to remember that we have an ever present help, a counselor, the Holy Spirit who leads us into truth. We continue to trust Him to reveal to us who they are as individuals that we may raise them with clarity just like Manoah and his wife did. I pray that they will walk in their God given purposes, that they will get to their destination with unwavering faith in God who formed them in my womb, for the glory of His name.

 

 

The Himalayas Of Insecurities

Before I had my babies, I thought I was a morning person, because I definitely wasn’t a night person. When the clock struck 9:00 pm, my eyelids would receive their daily load of sleep. By 10:00 pm, the weight of the exhaustion would break the imaginary toothpicks holding my eyes open.

Now that I have my girls, I have concluded that I am just a person who is able to adjust to different seasons. Sleep interruptions and deprivation is by far one of the greatest challenges that motherhood came with. I now understand how sleep deprivation is a form of torture.

I’ve had to adjust to late nights, waking up frequently, and somewhat early mornings. Our morning ride to playschool with Miss K is a time of singing, learning and laughter. We count, pray, go over our alphabet and sing (sometimes off key) at the top of our voices. I stick to the left and drive at 20 Kph.

Once in a while, there is a driver who is in a hurry to get to their destination, so their bonnet almost touches my boot. Initially, when she started school, I used to feel the pressure (that I put on myself) to drive faster. The times, I’d focus on driving faster, keeping up with a person whose journey and destination I knew not, I would lose the rhythm of the song that we were singing. I’d hit potholes and deeply regret.

In my journey as a stay-at-home mum, I have felt like a slug, covered in goo from all my crying sessions, inching along an Olympic track, as the rest of humanity, who I refer to as the ‘Usains’, bolt past me. And I am left behind, changing dirty diapers, dealing with tantrums, wiping running noses, still donning those nursing bras, covered in food stains while teaching shapes, colors, numbers and letters, pouring out myself in to my family while struggling to find me-time.

When I start to compare my journey I lose the rhythm of the music. I stop dancing. I lose my balance, and most times I fall into – the seemingly never ending -hole of self pity. Muddle in the pit of doubt and slide into the pool of questions. I struggle to stay afloat as I grapple with these questions:

“Am I where I should be?”

“Does what I do matter? Am I making a difference?”

“Will I ever catch up in my career?”

“What am I good at?”

Sometimes it feels like the fight of my life. It’s easy to descend into the pit. It only takes a few minutes to spiral down. Climbing up is no easy feat. My insecurities seem like the Himalayas, and I have to work through them as I sort the heap and layers of laundry.

It is hard and it hurts. The beautiful thing about rock bottom is, you can only go up. In the brokenness, there is beauty.

I am learning to stick to my lane and to embrace my pace. The reality is that there will always be people zooming past me. That is just the way life is. But they are on their own journey. It’s easy to covet their lives, but they too have their own struggles. And what matters most is that they are where they need to be. What matters most is that I am where I’m supposed to be. That I am watering and tending my lawn.

To avoid spiraling down to the pit, I have to keep reminding myself the truth, my truth in this season; why I do it. Why I strive to serve my husband and girls with joy, in this season. This role comes with no or low monetary pay, long hours and limited hours of leave. I believe that it is a calling. Some days are good. Some are gruesome. But I know that one day, I will look back and miss these days. One day Miss K and Ky will be all grown and I will be on to the next seasons. I’m listening to this song and reminding myself why I do it all.

To my fellow stay-at-home mum who has doubts her call from time to time. You are not alone. In the chaos and the monotony of routine, remember that you matter! You are making a difference. Your worth in this life is not equivalent to how much you earn.

 

 

Get Up And Soar

‘Excuses are lies wrapped up in reasons’- Howard Wright

This definition of excuses hit close to home. I had not thought of excuses as lies; I used to make them and hide behind them. At some point my excuses had become so convincing, they even resembled truth. I had internalized them and become them.

My most recent excuse revolved around the fact that I didn’t feel like the conditions around me were ‘condusive’ for my leap of faith, read: ‘comfortable enough’, to do what God had asked me to do. The truth is, Jesus didn’t promise ‘perfect and comfortable’ conditions to live out His purpose. In fact, John 16:33 says that we will face many trials and sorrows:

TRIALS AND PEACE

It doesn’t say might or could have trials and sorrows, but will have many trials and sorrows. What He does promise though, is His peace. His peace that surpasses all understanding. His peace that is perfect.

Isaiah 26:3 New Living Translation (NLT)

You will keep in perfect peace
    all who trust in you,
    all whose thoughts are fixed on you!

He doesn’t promise perfect external conditions, but He promises perfect internal conditions, if we trust in Him and keep our thoughts fixed on Him.

I have made a resolve within myself to get up and soar. To let God mount me on wings like eagles. To do that which He created me to do by His grace, for His glory. For so long, I have wearied myself with excuses, but I will run to Him to refresh me.

Isaiah 40:31 New Living Translation (NLT)

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
    They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
    They will walk and not faint.

There is a popular saying used to motivate people to get out of their comfort zones. Do it afraid. I like this one by Joyce Meyer:

100768-Joyce-Meyer-Quote-Just-because-you-feel-fear-doesn-t-mean-you-can

It’s okay to start without all the answers; as you get up, hold on to these promises

1 John 4:4 New Living Translation (NLT)

But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.

2 Timothy 1:7 New Living Translation (NLT)

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

What if you lived out your purpose fully?

What if you were all you were created to be?

What is standing in your way?

Get up and soar, beloved. You were created for greatness; greater heights. Soar!!!

Have a blessed week,

Bibi2be

Living In Purpose : Day 24

kkik

There is something so amazing and breathtaking about people who are living their lives audaciously in purpose. Indeed, living in purpose sets your world on fire.

It is one thing to know your purpose, and another to walk in it.

Several months ago, when I felt God saying that I should leave my job, I was confused. My main question was, leave and go where? Eventually, I left and there begun my season of waiting. One of the most uncomfortable seasons EVER. In hindsight I can say that it was necessary. It was lonely, confusing, boring, awkward, defining, but so necessary.

It could have been much shorter had I stopped fighting God. I invested my energy everywhere except where God needed it to be. I got lost in the busyness but all He wanted was for me to enjoy the stillness. Because, that is where I would hear him.

That in-between season, broke me but gave me space to figure out what I was born to do. Slowly but surely it is falling into place. I am learning to make a conscious decision every day to follow Him and heed the call over my life.

i will follow

I read this story in 1 Kings 19 two days ago and it really resonated with me.

19 So Elijah went and found Elisha son of Shaphat plowing a field. There were twelve teams of oxen in the field, and Elisha was plowing with the twelfth team. Elijah went over to him and threw his cloak across his shoulders and then walked away. 20 Elisha left the oxen standing there, ran after Elijah, and said to him, “First let me go and kiss my father and mother good-bye, and then I will go with you!”

Elijah replied, “Go on back, but think about what I have done to you.”

21 So Elisha returned to his oxen and slaughtered them. He used the wood from the plow to build a fire to roast their flesh. He passed around the meat to the townspeople, and they all ate. Then he went with Elijah as his assistant.

Elisha knew what God had called him to do but wanted to go back and say good bye to his family. It may not have been a bad thing, but what if they convinced him otherwise?

For him to follow God wholeheartedly he needed to quit his job, and make God the main thing. His mission did not allow him to have a side hustle.

What is it that God has called you to do?

What has your excuse been? What is holding you back?

What do you need to burn or sacrifice in order to follow God wholeheartedly?

There is a price to pay, but beauty and fulfillment await you on the other side.

The prayer of the day:

Dear God,

I thank you for the seasons of life. Now I can see that the awkward in-between season was necessary. Please forgive me for the times that I have held back from following you wholly because of fear and societal expectations. 

Remind me the call over my life that I may walk in it. I know and believe that you are able to sustain me. May I find satisfaction, joy and blessings in you. May lives be changed and challenged because I have chosen to follow you and to live for you.

In Jesus name I pray and believe,

Amen

The Song of the day:

Blessings,

Bibi2be

P.S if you would like me stand with you in prayer, send me an email on ess@bibi2be.com

Are You Satisfied Or Just Pacified? : Day 18

cs lewis

I absolutely love this quote.

There is indeed a God-shaped void in every person. The truth is that only God can satisfactorily fill it. Efforts to fill it with other things will eventually prove futile. They may seem to fit, by filling parts of it, and making you fill less empty, but, they cannot do what God can do.

This is a pearl of wisdom that I have to keep reminding myself. Happiness is elusive, it comes and goes. When all is said and done, God remains. Contentment and satisfaction are found in Him. He is truly ALL THAT I NEED.

One of my favourite verses is:

Psalm 16:2 NIV

I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
    apart from you I have no good thing.”

The truth is that only God can satisfy that God shaped void within my heart. He is the source of all good things. I can never have too much of Him. He is more than enough for me. In order to find Him, I must search for Him wholeheartedly.

jeremiah29_13

Have you been pacified by the things of this world?

Are you really satisfied and content?

What is the real desire of your heart?

The prayer of the day:

Dear God,

Thank you for this timely reminder. Indeed, you knit me in my mother’s womb for Your purposes and glory. Many are the times that I have gotten sidetracked and pacified by the things of this world. I have cheated myself that I am whole, yet the God shaped void within is still longing to be filled.

Only you can satisfy me. Help me to search for you with all that I am. Teach me and speak to me. Draw me closer than I have ever been. Reveal Yourself to me that all these other things may fade in your presence. 

I long for you. My heart beats for You. Satisfy me Lord. Satisfy me.

In Jesus name I pray and believe,

Amen

The Song of the day:

May we be weaned off the pacifiers of this world and allow Him to satisfy us.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

Prompt Obedience : Day 2

what i

What if I just obeyed God? wholeheartedly without excuses?

What would happen?

Lives would be changed. Praise would reach His ears.

What if the pot did what the potter designed it to do?

I have made far too many baseless excuses over the years. This month, I have challenged myself to obey God promptly and see what He can do with a willing vessel. I invite you to join me in this journey of prompt obedience. Then we can regroup at the end of the month and share our stories.

Prayer of the day:

Dear God,

Thank you that you are a God of second chances. Thank You for your grace that saved a wretch like me. Indeed I was once lost but now I am found. I was once blind but now I see.

Forgive me for the times that I have walked as one who does not know the light, one who does not know You. Indeed it is a privilege and honor to hear from You. Yet, there are times I have heard your instructions both big and small and ignored them or made excuses.

Help me to obey you promptly.  As I seek you out and listen in the quiet, may I hear you. I declare that I am available to you; withholding nothing, I give myself away so that You can use me. Show yourself strong in my life Lord. 

I long to make you smile Papa. I long to bring you joy; to do that which you created me to do. That all the glory, honor, and majesty may go unto your name, because you ALONE are God.

Thank you for your presence, I am humbled that you accept me as I am. May my life and my worship be acceptable and pleasing to you.

In Jesus name I pray and believe,

Amen

The song of the day is:

Blessings,

Bibi2Be

P.s If you would like me to stand with you in prayer, feel free to send me an email on ess@bibi2be.com

Comparison: The Key to Dissatisfaction

We live in a society that loves to compare. Something or someone is always the yardstick. The truth is that everyone has an opinion that they believe is the gospel truth regardless of whether or not it is based on the Gospel.

Social media has become a key part of people’s lives. Most people put their best foot forward and show the good part of their lives. They reserve the bad and ugly parts for the limited audience who have access to their personal lives. It is easy to draw a conclusion from what they choose to show you and let it influence your thought process.

c

Many times insecurity does not come about because we are not capable but because we choose to look at ourselves through a lens that does not fit.  The wrong lens gives a skewed perspective.

b

Comparison leads to dissatisfaction. It is indeed a disservice to yourself and the society. It reflects what you truly think about where God has placed you.

I absolutely love Psalm 16. It reminds me that where I am is not just a coincidence but a part of His grand plan.

verse 5-8 (NLT)

Lord, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing.
    You guard all that is mine.
The land you have given me is a pleasant land.
    What a wonderful inheritance!

 I will bless the Lord who guides me;
    even at night my heart instructs me.
I know the Lord is always with me.
    I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.

It is folly for a triangle to feel inadequate because it does not look like a square. They were created to serve two different purposes.

e

If you feel as though you can’t help but compare yourself, take time out, avoid places and platforms that steal your joy. Focus on the ONE who gave you the gift of life, ask Him to show you why you were created and what you need to do on this earth. Once you have figured it out, get to work. Give it your best and let God show off through you. Remember, He is the REAL judge. His opinion is the one that really matters and should influence your actions and emotions.

 Galatians 6:4 (NLT)

Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.

Focus on the purpose God has placed you on earth for and bloom away.

d

Blessings,

Bibi2Be