How Not To Be A Cranky Mama

Over the last couple of months, I’ve learnt to be a little selfish. To take care of myself a little more. When I was a new mum, I sacrificed a lot of things including my well being. I neglected nourishing myself because I thought that pouring out was more important. Boy, was I mistaken.

Motherhood is sacrifice. A mother is a living sacrifice. Motherhood has a way of revealing your doubts, truths and values. It forces you to walk down memory lane and examine what happened and how it made you feel. It’s like a dose of strong coffee that has your mind multitasking and analyzing. You suddenly become aware of things that could have missed your attention and you have to answer the difficult questions.

Over the years, I’ve cracked how to be a cranky and angry mama by 11am. It’s really simple, skip breakfast, postpone doing your quiet time and fail to get some rest. Try this for a couple of days and you will acquaint yourself with your mean side. And, there are not many nice things about your mean side. At least nothing you’d like to write home about.

My mean side is horrible. I’ve realized that pouring out of an empty cup is dangerous for everyone. First, for me the giver and second for the recipients around me. I replay some of the things that I’ve said when empty, the attitudes that I’ve had towards myself and the situations at hand, and I can’t help but shudder in disbelief. Hang my head in embarrassment. It was bad. I was bad, really bad. I was a mum turned monster. Which was never my end goal. The thing is I couldn’t tell when it is happening, it was like a slow fade that transformed me into a bad version of myself.

It matters to my family that I am nourished- physically and spiritually. I can only pour out of what I have. The verse ‘Man cannot live on bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord. – Matthew 4:4’ reveals that I cannot survive on bread alone. To live well, we need to feed ourselves both physically and spiritually.

It is crucial that I have my breakfast (before lunch time) and spend time with God everyday. Sometimes I deceive myself that I am too busy or convince myself that the babies need me to hover around them. But the truth is that Miss K and Ky need me to be full.

They need me to be rested. I am a kinder and more patient mummy when I have had some rest. When I am sleep deprived, my fuse is short. It’s tempting to take out my frustrations on the people closest to me. I have learned that taking a nap makes me a better person.

Quiet time helps me to see my circumstances from God’s perspective. When I pray I invite the power of God in to every situation. Then I am able to walk with a spring in my step because I know that God’s got me. I am able to speak words of life,  to speak kindly, because I don’t carry any grudges and bitterness. I am able to be physically, spiritually and mentally present.

That’s the type of mama I want to be daily.

On that note, I’m off to hide and have my breakfast and quiet time because it is crucial for my sanity, blood sugar, faith, demeanor and the atmosphere in my home.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

 

 

 

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I Stood Him Up

I absolutely love, love stories ❤

The intensity of the journey intrigues me. Everything from when the two were strangers, to how they became acquaintances, then friends, close friends and finally lovers, is special.

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One of the aspects of my marriage that I really enjoy is going on dates with hubby. I savor these times together. We talk, love, laugh, dream…There is no doubt that we enjoy ourselves. Over the years, I have also learned to enjoy our silent dates. They have been some of the best quiet times I’ve had. I’m not intimidated by the silence anymore (this has taken some time), I relish the opportunity to be together.

Writing this makes me want to go on a date, it has me all giddy on the inside 🙂

One of the things that my husband, Peter,  has taught me is that dates should be fun. To my knowledge, I’ve never stood him up. Dates are always looked forward to; even the ones that have meant sacrificing my sleep or time.

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Two weeks ago, the Lord invited me to spend time with Him at 3am. It sounded quite exciting at the time. But, I stood Him up. To be more precise, I slept. At 3am, I woke up and decided to continue sleeping. I was not intentional about meeting. Sleep is not a bad thing, but there is a time for everything. There is a soul refreshment that sleep can not give. Only time spent with the King can give you that.

I was so convicted. I blew off an opportunity to spend time with the Lord. He had prepared for me, to speak to me, love on me, but I came up with excuses and opted to sleep. I heard the call, and responded, ”But God…”. I made a list of excuses.

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The following morning I woke up, knowing that I had messed up. I had missed out. Yes, I was more physically rested, but my inner {wo}man, {s}he needed to drink from the fount that never goes dry. To fellowship with the Lord, see things through His perspective. To be with the Lord, hear Him, walk with Him, talk to Him, love on Him and be loved by Him.

Time with God is life changing. My heart breaks as I think about all the times that I have stood Him up and opted to engage the world instead. For the times that I have chosen the things and pleasures of this world at His expense. My heart breaks.

This is my prayer. This year and beyond, I want to get closer to God, there is such an urgency in my heart. I want to know His heart. I pray that in the third hour, and every other hour, this need will overpower my desire to sleep. That the longing of my soul will order my body to get up and commune with the Lord.

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I need to go a little closer and be pulled a little deeper. His love is so much sweeter than anything I’ve tasted. I want to, no, I need to know His heart. I need to be closer, more than I need anything else in this world. I need to be closer.

Can you hear the Lord calling you to go closer? Are you standing Him up?

Blessings,

Bibi2be

Being With God In A Deliberate Way

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SOME people WANT it to happen, some WISH it could happen, OTHERS MAKE it happen.

My walk with God over the years has taught me that closeness with God does not just happen. It is a deliberate decision to follow Him and seek Him. This decision is made daily. When I don’t make the decision daily, I feel as though He has moved, yet it is quite the opposite. I am the one who has moved.

A couple of months ago I shared about God being the first thing on our minds and last thing on our minds at the tail end of the day. My husband models to me what it means to be deliberate about spending time with God. After he read the post, he changed how he does his quiet time, so that in the evening before he sleeps he finishes up on his daily readings.  His discipline as he seeks the Lord is admirable. Seeking God is a crucial part of his day and he is very intentional about it.

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My walk with God is not limited to the time that I sit and read my bible. God longs for me to invite Him into every aspect of my life, the grande and mundane. My prayer the last couple of days has been that as I am a wife to Mr K, a mum to Miss K, that His presence would be so tangible; that I would hear Him and experience Him. I am cognizant of the fact that they are my first ministry. I need Him to live the way that I was created to.

A couple of days ago I asked the Lord to speak to me as I cooked. My kitchen literally transformed in to a sanctuary. From pots and pans to unrestricted worship. God’s presence was tangible. It lifted me and encouraged me. God loved on me in a special way. Days later I was still telling my husband that I felt God’s love as if it was tangible. Not because of any material thing He had done, but because HE IS GOD. He is my father and I am His daughter. I am still smiling from the inside as I reflect on this encounter. In my folly, there are times I have reduced God’s love to the sensation after I experience God’s hand. Yet, God’s love for me was overflowing before I was born, and He made a public declaration at calvary.

This song was the declaration of my heart in my kitchen turned sanctuary.

As I worshiped, my daughter looked intently and sung along. I desire to teach her that God is in her heart and He is not restricted to a building once a week. Above all, my prayer is that she will experience God, that He will speak His love and promises to her heart. That she may know Him in a personal and intimate way. After all we were created to worship Him. The more we get to know Him, we can worship Him more accurately.

Have you been intentional about inviting God into your work and home space?

In Him, we live , move and have our being Acts 17:28a. We were created to live in His presence, there is no life apart from Him.

Blessings,

Bibi2be