Before I had a baby, I was convinced that I couldn’t survive with less than 6 hours of continuous sleep. All of my friends knew that I was the first one to fall asleep at sleepovers. It was my thing. Even now, when I do stay up they can’t hide their shock as they wonder how I am still up past 10pm. Motherhood changes people. It changed me.
The first couple of weeks of being a mum I was sure I was dying slowly. The sleep deprivation shook me at the core. I was so exhausted and I struggled to see past the first few days. It seemed obvious to me that I wouldn’t make it, but almost 2 years down the line, I’m happy to report that my heart is still beating, I am breathing and sleeping through the night. I really feel like there should be some ululations after ‘and sleeping through the night’.
Ksena slept well after the longest weeks of colic up until she hit the fourth month sleep regression. After that, it was pure chaos. I didn’t think it would ever end. She went from sleeping through the night to waking up every two hours. Sleep training was not working and my grace was decreasing. It was tough. By the time she was one year she still wasn’t sleeping through the night. Conversations with fellow mums were even more discouraging.
He came through. He answered our prayers and blew us all away. Once we stopped breastfeeding she started sleeping through the night. My body was in shock. It had forgotten how sleeping all night felt or worked.
After a few days of sleeping through the night, I was literally walking on sunshine. I was a new person. Praise be to God.
Motherhood changes you. A few days ago as I spoke to my sister, she interjected that ‘there is nothing that doesn’t change’. In my mother tongue, there is a finality around that statement. Things that we believed would never change, end up changing. As we spoke, I agreed with her, and the conversation remained in my memory until last night.
A few months ago, a dear friend gave Ksena a lovie. Everyone, meet Mary Lamb. Yes, her name is a shortened version of the song ‘Mary had a little lamb’.
Yesterday as I prepared Ksena’s bottle. She walked around with Mary Lamb. She held her in a very affectionate manner and at that time no one could take Mary Lamb away from her.
It hit me that there is something about a sheep and her shepherd. The shepherd knows the true value of the sheep and looks at her lovingly. Watching them together reminded me that Jesus loves His sheep(me, us) so much.
And this is the one thing that doesn’t change. God’s love.
Mary Lamb is a beautiful white as long as she doesn’t leave the bed. When she does, we start planning for her to be washed early so she dries in good time. We, God’s children, are just like Mary Lamb, if we stay in the confines of God’s plan we remain clean(er). Even on our best days, we are still sinners. His blood that was shed at calvary is what makes as white as snow.
- What can wash away my sin?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
What can make me whole again?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
Oh! precious is the flow
That makes me white as snow;
No other fount I know,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
You can find the rest of the lyrics here.
There is something about a lamb and her shepherd.