The Waterfall

I put my nose on her head and took a deep breath, my lips curled into a smile as I took in a scent. The memories of our first weeks together flooded my memory, I cradled her in my arms as I thought about how little she was when she was born. “Esther, you have a baby girl. 3.2kgs” Daktari said as the tears cleansed my cheeks, they washed away the anxiety that I had been carrying around. Being pregnant was one miracle, a safe delivery for both mummy and baby was the other miracle.

That tear jerking moment was the first of many in our journey of getting to know each other. Our first few weeks were filled with awe of the Most High and sheer frustration, getting Ky to burp felt like squeezing toothpaste out of an empty tube, I rubbed the top of her back and the tail of the spine, sometimes I got a tiny burp other times there was nothing.

God forbid she did a proper burp, a waterfall of her milk followed, it drenched her clothes, my PJs, the sheets but it gave her relief. She would smile, and it would sort of melt the frustration away, that was until she got frustrated by my not-so-full boob that was the source of her milk. Night feeds were long, feeding every three hours was hectic and the reflux was discouraging.

As I carried her and enjoyed carrying a still version of her I realized that blessings don’t exempt you from struggles. When they come it’s good to remember that they won’t last forever. Now all I have are memories, we’ve outgrown the reflux and we are onto other struggles.

John 16:33 Amplified Bible (AMP)

33 I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace. In the world, you have tribulation and distress and suffering, but be courageous [be confident, be undaunted, be filled with joy]; I have overcome the world.” [My conquest is accomplished, My victory abiding.]

Suffering, distress, and tribulation come in different shapes and sizes but God’s peace and courage remain readily available.

 

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The Rotten Avocado

Growing up, we had a huge Avocado tree in our backyard. There wasn’t much to say about it when the fruits were not in season, I mean there were no flowers. It was just a big green tree. When Avocados were in season, it was a different story.

That’s when I found out that an Avocado can be a meal on it’s own with salt (more like snack), an accompaniment, a spread and a dip. Basically, Avocado could be whatever you liked. We were always reminded that it had a good type of fat. Naturally, at the beginning of the season they all tasted lovely, the tail end of the season was full of mixed feelings. Some were good, some were not.

Avocado slices

courtesy:wwwglutenfreegigi.com

This year, I have enjoyed Avocado season. Yesterday morning, I had set my eyes on Avocado in the house, only to come and find it was gone. There are no dibs on Avo in our home 🙂 . I quickly sent for another one and was happy to find one that was ripe enough to eat yesterday. My Avocado buying experience has taught me that if the shop keeper says it’s for the day, it’s for tomorrow. If they sell you an Avocado that is for the said day, all it will be good for is a smoothie or deep conditioning treatment. Leave it in the heat for a couple of hours, and it’s uses change dramatically.

So cue music, I was all happy and ready to make my salad with Avo, when I cut into it and it was rotten. *Dramatic pause* I was so disappointed.  None of it could be salvaged, there was more black than green. More sadness than glee. I contemplated it’s other uses, but quickly came to terms with the fact that this one would have to see the bin.

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Now a little history about yesterday. Yesterday was a hard day. One of those days where I cried before 10am. I was glass eyed for the better part of the day. And then, I spilled a packet of milk. It was an accident that made me more frustrated, then I found myself saying it is useless to cry over spilt milk. But all I wanted is to have my breakfast in peace. By the time I was done cleaning, my tea was warm. I like my tea hot. Clearly I woke up on the weepy side of bed, and all that I wanted was a good cry and then everything would be okay. I don’t underestimate the power of tears. They bring relief. Well unless, you have a toddler whose crying over every little thing, then, tears bring frustration. It builds slowly.

In the midst of it all, I was making tentative conclusive statements about life. Yup, one bad day, was suddenly shedding light on all my days. As I wrapped the Avocado in paper, I realized that I didn’t hate Avocados just because of that one rotten one. And I wasn’t going to not look for one tomorrow (today) because this one was rotten. Once I wrapped it up in the bag, and discarded it, it was over.

And that’s exactly how I ought to look at life. Some days are harder than others, but I shouldn’t let the hard days define the other days. I’ll save the moments of deep thought and conclusive statements for the days that I laugh till my ribs ache.

Here’s to Avocados, the tasty and the rotten; here’s to living and somehow praising through the good days and bad while trusting God’s promises.

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The rotten Avocado should not be the brand ambassador for Avocados. Weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

 

Hey Mama! You Are Doing A Great Job!!

Happy new week 🙂

Time and time again, I have moments of doubt and exasperation. Motherhood is extremely rewarding but can also be draining and confusing for just a moment. This moment, however, sometimes feels like a lifetime, until you smile again.

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As I had lunch with a group of friends last week, a friend of mine said to me, ”You are a great mum, Ess!” My soul almost leaped across the table and hugged her. Instead, I told her that God had sent her to tell me that.

A few hours before this conversation, I was in tears of frustration and exasperation. Wondering if I was doing an okay job. As I cried, I cried to the Lord and asked Him to strengthen me.

This verse has been  a constant in my life since I became a mommy.

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From that statement, I was encouraged. Reassured that the exhaustion and rough patch would come to pass. Even as I walked in the dark, I was still walking.

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For the mama who is exhausted beyond words, sleep deprived, drained from the hospital visits, wondering if she is making a difference in her babies’ lives, take heart!! You are doing a good job. You are a great mama. Your reward is in heaven. Your source of strength is in heaven. Trade your sorrows for His joy, trade your heavy burden for His that is light, trade your yoke for His that is easy.

Allow God to fill you with Himself.

Have a lovely week. May the joy of the Lord be your strength.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

Pain Must Be Felt: Day 10

I am not a theologian or a scholar, but I am very aware of the fact that pain is necessary to all of us. In my own life, I think I can honestly say that out of the deepest pain has come the strongest conviction of the presence of God and the love of God.  ~ Elizabeth Elliot

I really admire Elizabeth Elliot’s walk with God. Her life is testimony of what God can do through pain, if you let Him. She lost not one but two husbands; she ministered to the people who killed her first husband. You can read more about her here.

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We took Miss K to the docs yesterday, she knew where we were so she was uneasy. As she gets older she is able to predict events. When she was given the jab, she wailed, till tears came out. She has two types of cries, one for attention, which is more of noise, the other one with tears when she has actually been hurt. Yesterday, she was hurt, both physically and emotionally. She gave us a look of ‘how could you?’ and her arm was a little sore. The reality is that, as much as she could have perceived our actions to be bad, the pain was necessary for her. It may seem like we didn’t protect her from pain then, but she had to feel the pain to protect her from pain later.

Hubby took her out to the balcony and comforted her as she cried. There was no ‘get over it now’ sort of speech, not at all. He just soothed her and let her go through the motions. Eventually she calmed down and kept quiet and begun waving bye at cars driving into the horizon. Such a sweetheart, this little one.

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Pain must be felt.

In our own lives, we must give ourselves room to feel the pain, because it hurts. We can choose to overlook it, but that will not take away it’s power. Also, when people are in pain, or have gone through trauma, they need time to feel. Sit in their pain, evaluate it, acknowledge that it happened; feel it. Unlike other things, there is no timeline for dealing with pain. So don’t rush anyone. As long as they are dealing and haven’t given up, they will be just fine, with God’s help. He is close to the brokenhearted. They are safe in His arms. You are safe in His arms.

Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

How have you been hurt recently?

Have you allowed yourself to go through the motions of the pain?

Feeling pain is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. We live and we learn.

No one is immune. It’s a part of life. Some things hurt more than others, by God’s grace we bounce back.

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Do you know someone who is heart broken? going through the motions of pain?

How can you comfort them patiently?

Pray for them. Be there for them.

The prayer of the day:

Dear Lord,

Your children’s hearts are breaking. The worries of life and unfortunate events have brought unimaginable pain their way. I pray Lord that you will be very close to them. That you will comfort the grieving family, comfort those who have been abused, comfort those who feel disappointed by your timing, comfort those who have been rejected, comfort those who have lost children, comfort those who have lost their jobs and comfort those who need your comfort.

May you be so close to the them, that above the pain, and in the midst of the pain they will hear you speak your loving words and truth to their hearts. They need you Papa, we need you; I need you. Please wipe the tears that flow down my face when I go through painful seasons, comfort my heart and show me how to forgive.

In Jesus name I pray and believe,

Amen

The song of the day:

Blessings,

Bibi2Be

P.S If you would like me to stand with you in prayer, feel free to send me an email on ess@bibi2be.com