Tangled

What is the deep conditioning treatment for the soul? What do you apply when your soul is like a big balled fairy knot? Which product has amazing slip but is strong enough to prevent you from sliding in to the pit?

I’ve been a naturalista for almost ten years. It’s been an interesting journey. I’ve tried everything from dreadlocks to an afro to a tapered cut. ‘It is just hair, it grows’ is the mantra that I live by. When I moved to Mombasa, I cut my hair. It was so freeing. I could swim everyday without worrying about how my hair would look. ‘Wash and go’ was the order of the day. Coco Chanel said a woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life. In my case, I found it too stressful to find a good hairstylist who understood why I didn’t want my hair blow dried before it was plaited. I opted to find a barber, hubby’s barber was an answer to prayer.

As a young girl, I loathed my hair being done. I was the classic example of the child who caused drama at the salon. My poor mama. She had to put up with my tears and tantrums. In my defense, there was nothing fun about the hot blow dryer being about one centimeter away from burning my ear. While rejoicing that my ear was still intact I had to put up with a hairstyle being done twice. ‘Pussy cat’ was the the most redundant hairstyle in my opinion. I hated having to be plaited the same thing twice. Undoing it was even more tedious.

Then God gave me daughters, two little girls. He truly has a sense of humour. I’m figuring out how to handle mine and now I have two more under my care. One who has the softest hair, so protective styles barely last a week. She loves to swim, so the chlorine has tinted her ends. And another little girl, whose hair is still on the way. It still fascinates me how two babies can be so different. God is amazing.  From His reserves of grace, He knows that I will somehow be able to do their heads of hair. I pray that none of them will be like me. (Mum, if you are reading this, again I say, I am sorry.)

Wash day humbles me. I’ve been protective styling for the last couple of months. It’s my new thing. Every time I take down my braids and detangle my hair, I am amazed by how the knots fall off. What blows my mind away is that God still knows how many strands of hair are on my head. He keeps up with the progress as I finger detangle my mane and sometimes I lose tens of strands.

Tender loving care is what my hair needs, I can’t rush the process. I learned the hard way that I shouldn’t comb my hair when dry. Somewhere in the discipline and routine lies the secret. If I neglect the process I end up with a matted mane. Fairy knots fused together, that cause lots of pain.

My soul care practices are not very different from hair practices. Sometimes I’m great at detangling my emotions, others, I walk around with my emotions in knots. Not knowing where to begin. Which product to use. Wanting to take short cuts, to avoid the hours spent pre-pooing, deep conditioning and moisturizing ( journal-ling, reading my bible, praying, reflecting and loving on myself) . “There are no short cuts.” I’m preaching to myself as a member of the microwave generation.

When I neglect my emotional well-being, I wake up shocked when everything is matted together. When the emotions that I’ve bottled up are tearing me apart, eating me on the inside. Corrosive and explosive. I’m a ticking time bomb feeling as though I could implode , yet I don’t know what the trigger is.

When I marinate in my thoughts and the darkness and confusion of my emotions, that is exactly what I spew. It’s ugly. There is nothing pretty about being tangled. Unraveling the knots is first for me, and then for those around me. Unless I allow light to penetrate the dark room, darkness will be all that I know.

Last week, at my lowest, I went out and had time by myself. I prayed “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” (Psalm 139:23-24). Then and I sat and wrote. In those hours, I got a peek into my soul, and it hit me, that unless the lamp shines in to that darkness, I’ll never fully know the contents of the room.

Detangling of the soul is done in the stillness, away from the chaos of life. In the quiet, when His light shines you are able to see what lurks in the dark, and easily entangles you.

 

 

 

You Can’t See The Depression In Her Eye

There is a common notion that depressed people can just snap out of it. Put off the sad switch and be happy. Well meaning family and friends can say things that may cause the depressed person to feel even worse. Because, to some extent the factors are beyond their control.

Constant badgering can leave them feeling more hopeless. This promotes masking, because the depressed person does not feel as though they have gap to be real, and experience the motions of their emotions. Instead they have to try and adhere to societal expectations while dying on the inside.

depression-in-her-eyes

Depression is paralyzing.

It leaves one feeling stuck, dormant, and sometimes lost. This kills their self esteem and self worth. They are unable to do things they used to do easily with the same excitement and zeal.

Speaking of paralysis, Jesus healed a paralytic man back in Capernaum.

Matthew 9: 2-8 ( NLT)

Jesus climbed into a boat and went back across the lake to his own town. Some people brought to him a paralyzed man on a mat. Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the paralyzed man, “Be encouraged, my child! Your sins are forgiven.”

But some of the teachers of religious law said to themselves, “That’s blasphemy! Does he think he’s God?”

Jesus knew what they were thinking, so he asked them, “Why do you have such evil thoughts in your hearts? Is it easier to say ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or ‘Stand up and walk’? So I will prove to you that the Son of Man has the authority on earth to forgive sins.” Then Jesus turned to the paralyzed man and said, “Stand up, pick up your mat, and go home!”

And the man jumped up and went home! Fear swept through the crowd as they saw this happen. And they praised God for sending a man with such great authority.

The lessons we can pick from this scripture:-

1) Depression is personal but communal.

When one person is depressed, the people around him/her are affected as well. In their attempt to help they may suggest, different modes of treatment. Every one has an opinion about everything, and, not every one will be ecstatic about how you receive your healing. Healing is personal.

2) Inner Healing precedes Physical Healing

Before Jesus asked the man to take up his mat and walk, He forgave His sins. There is much more to depression than meets the eye. He saw the man’s heart, what people couldn’t see when they looked at him, and dealt with it first, because the heart is the well-spring of life. The root of the problem dwells in the heart.

That dark hole that depression leads you down usually has pessimistic voices as entertainment. If you hear something long enough you start to believe it.

depression

When God heals your heart, you are encouraged.

Proverbs 14:10 (NIV)

Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can fully share its joy

There are hurts and thoughts that flood the mind that make the physical paralysis look like a drop in the ocean.

There is a trade-in-option available for those who feel weary and burdened.

Matthew 11:28-30 (NLT)

Then Jesus said, ” Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light.”

This verse has gotten me through some pretty dark moments.

Acts 17:28 (NIV)

For in him we live and move and have our being.’ As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’

May you begin to find the freedom to live, do the things that you love and be ALL that you were created to be in Him.
Blessings,

Bibi2Be

P.S if you’d like to talk some more about depression, send me an email on ess@bibi2be.com